by Steven Bartholomew |
June 19, 2023
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The Little B*tch is back! We have brought back the fan-favorite folding razors.
These folding razors put Occam's to shame. Created by cutting-edge technology, these 4.25 by .4 inch blades are the perfect size for pockets, wallets, and inseams. They even have a little hole for your keychain. And they sure come in handy. Need to fight off a small creature? Grab your Little B*tch. Taking a blood oath and need to pour your own blood on a piece of ancient scroll to prevent eternal damnation? Whip out your Little B*tch! Forget about your shaving razor or electric shaver. Nothing gets a closer shave than our folding razors.
Here's a fun fact, Heath Ledger's Joker used these in The Dark Knight! I sh*t you not. "You know how I got these scars? THE LITTLE B*TCH RAZORS!" That's the actual line before edits. Most people don't know that. Another little-known fact is Paulie from Goodfellas used the Little B*tch to slice garlic in prison.
Did you park like an a**hole? And now there's an eggshell sticker on your car? You're not going to be able to get it off with your fingernails but you'll be able to scrape it off with our sharp as hell folding razors. The uses have no end!
by Steven Bartholomew |
June 16, 2023
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Gluten Tag,
The "history books" (Wikipedia) say the Bierstiefel, or "Das Boot", was an old hazing ritual used in the German military as a way to build camaraderie amongst the soldiers. That's funny, because when we got home from our first deployment, the boys and I convinced a few of the newbies in our work center that night to chug Busch Heavies out of a pair of boots that had been worn every single day for 7 months straight. In the Persian Gulf, I might add, where after one '3-hour truck rotation', you could pour a puddle of sweat out of your water resistant leather boots. I can guarantee that the previous historical statement in this paragraph was not prior knowledge to any of us beforehand. It just sounded like a good idea at the time... But, fuck it, the tradition lives on.
I very much admire the way Fink discovered the solution to the "Das Boot" dilemma while three sheets to the wind, pissing in a crowded trough in a high-pressure environment like Beerfest. I can relate, I can't recall how many deep revelations I've had while standing over a trough relieving myself, one eye opened, blurry eyed, and just trying to stay up on my two feet. Man, if those troughs could talk...
Since apparently the Germans think we suck at drinking beer, we figured we'd RESTOCK our "You Suck at Shooting" Patch to remind them to stay humble. 0-2 where it counts, boys.
We're not that drunk,
Steven
by Steven Bartholomew |
June 14, 2023
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That's right, the "Operation Enduring This Bullshit" PVC Patch is back in stock, people!
You all spoke, and we listened. What kind of business would we be if we didn't listen to what the people wanted? A business full of idiots, that's what. And since we have an average IQ of 160 here at Violent Little, we did the only intelligent thing to do which was get a restock on these bangers.
It was really no surprise this patch was such a big hit. Given the fact that most (If not all.) of our customers and subscribers are either active duty/prior service or big supporters of the military, it was pretty easy to tell where this one was headed. Everyone here just gets it, and that's what makes it fun.
There ain't no telling how much bullshit you're going to be shoveling while you're in the military. The worst part is right when you think you're done, they come and drop off another pile of it the next day. It's a marathon, not a sprint, you gotta be able to endure all the bullshit, hell, maybe even learn to laugh about it. It is what it is, it's all part of the show, the sooner you embrace that fact the better off you'll be during your time in the service.
Stay strong,
Steven
