My man,
Back when gangsters still had some class, Frank Lucas was out here running a "million dollar a day" business like it was nothing. The story of how they discovered who he even was is incredible.
The guy stays low key for years, until his wife decides to get him a $100,000 mink coat, which he wears to a Muhammad Ali fight, where he had even better seats than the known mafia members that were in attendance. I can imagine that probably turned some heads. What did we learn here, men? Don't let your wife pick your clothes and you won't ever be spotted by the FBI. Easy peasy.
Pick up one of these sweet patches to remind yourself that you better be somebody.
]]>I think it's safe to say any American with a pulse has seen the new Top Gun movies. It's probably the most American, righteously patriotic thing you can do next to signing your name on the Declaration of Independence. So why wouldn't we make a morale patch to commemorate such an inspiring Hollywood classic?
Rumor has it, Tom Cruise actually wore one of these patches on his flight suit when filming the second movie. Something about making him feel invincible or something. I'm not sure, he's a strange guy, so it's not surprising that he stumbled upon Violent Little.
But who wouldn't want to wear this on their flight suit? It's eye-catching as hell and made from durable PVC so even the toughest of dog fights won't put a scratch on these patches. Just one look at this patch and you'll have Kenny Rodgers "Danger Zone" playing so clearly in your head you'll think your flying down a restricted run way on your crotch rocket on the way to check in for Top Gun School.
This patch is just it.
]]>
The only reason I can imagine someone wouldn't love this patch is for the simple fact that they're just not getting any. That's gotta be it, and if that is the case, it sounds more like a personal issue than an issue with this patch in particular.
But hey I get it, dry streaks can be both mentally and emotionally exhausting. Obviously, if you were in the position to lick some tits, you're gonna lick some tits. Some things just go without saying, but it's just getting into scoring position that's the hardest part.
Just keep your head up and stay consistent. Play it cool and don't come off to needy and you're bound to be licking some tits in no time. How do I know? You really think we would have made a patch that says "Let's Lick Tits" if we weren't licking any titties in our free time? C'mon man... we're like experts.
Actually, this idea came from an episode of Rick and Morty, where Summer used it as a badass one-liner before embarking on a sick adventure. It definitely plays, it gets me hyped up just saying it in my own head, and I'm sitting here on the couch in pajama pants. Mentally, you would never be able to tell that though with how psyched I am. "Hell Yeah! Let's go lick some f*cking tits!" would be my genuine reaction to hearing this for the first time. Especially before a sick op, are you kidding? Where we going, and are we taking the Little Bird?
It plays both ways, use it accordingly.
Steven
]]>
The Little B*tch is back! We have brought back the fan-favorite folding razors.
These folding razors put Occam's to shame. Created by cutting-edge technology, these 4.25 by .4 inch blades are the perfect size for pockets, wallets, and inseams. They even have a little hole for your keychain. And they sure come in handy. Need to fight off a small creature? Grab your Little B*tch. Taking a blood oath and need to pour your own blood on a piece of ancient scroll to prevent eternal damnation? Whip out your Little B*tch! Forget about your shaving razor or electric shaver. Nothing gets a closer shave than our folding razors.
Here's a fun fact, Heath Ledger's Joker used these in The Dark Knight! I sh*t you not. "You know how I got these scars? THE LITTLE B*TCH RAZORS!" That's the actual line before edits. Most people don't know that. Another little-known fact is Paulie from Goodfellas used the Little B*tch to slice garlic in prison.
Did you park like an a**hole? And now there's an eggshell sticker on your car? You're not going to be able to get it off with your fingernails but you'll be able to scrape it off with our sharp as hell folding razors. The uses have no end!
]]>Gluten Tag,
The "history books" (Wikipedia) say the Bierstiefel, or "Das Boot", was an old hazing ritual used in the German military as a way to build camaraderie amongst the soldiers. That's funny, because when we got home from our first deployment, the boys and I convinced a few of the newbies in our work center that night to chug Busch Heavies out of a pair of boots that had been worn every single day for 7 months straight. In the Persian Gulf, I might add, where after one '3-hour truck rotation', you could pour a puddle of sweat out of your water resistant leather boots. I can guarantee that the previous historical statement in this paragraph was not prior knowledge to any of us beforehand. It just sounded like a good idea at the time... But, fuck it, the tradition lives on.
I very much admire the way Fink discovered the solution to the "Das Boot" dilemma while three sheets to the wind, pissing in a crowded trough in a high-pressure environment like Beerfest. I can relate, I can't recall how many deep revelations I've had while standing over a trough relieving myself, one eye opened, blurry eyed, and just trying to stay up on my two feet. Man, if those troughs could talk...
Since apparently the Germans think we suck at drinking beer, we figured we'd RESTOCK our "You Suck at Shooting" Patch to remind them to stay humble. 0-2 where it counts, boys.
We're not that drunk,
Steven
]]>That's right, the "Operation Enduring This Bullshit" PVC Patch is back in stock, people!
You all spoke, and we listened. What kind of business would we be if we didn't listen to what the people wanted? A business full of idiots, that's what. And since we have an average IQ of 160 here at Violent Little, we did the only intelligent thing to do which was get a restock on these bangers.
It was really no surprise this patch was such a big hit. Given the fact that most (If not all.) of our customers and subscribers are either active duty/prior service or big supporters of the military, it was pretty easy to tell where this one was headed. Everyone here just gets it, and that's what makes it fun.
There ain't no telling how much bullshit you're going to be shoveling while you're in the military. The worst part is right when you think you're done, they come and drop off another pile of it the next day. It's a marathon, not a sprint, you gotta be able to endure all the bullshit, hell, maybe even learn to laugh about it. It is what it is, it's all part of the show, the sooner you embrace that fact the better off you'll be during your time in the service.
Stay strong,
Steven
]]>The "Boot Camp Graduate" Patch is one of our most recent patches we've released, and yet, it's already one of my favorites. The idea came to me a couple of months ago when I was mindlessly scrolling through Instagram and seeing all of the college graduation photos from last semester, and I thought to myself, "Well, I want one of those." I mean I got one from High School but to be completely honest, I don't even know where it is. Plus, it's not like it's that special, it's High School we're talking about.
But that crisp hardback one you get after college, yeah that one's real nice. Nothing says "I'm ready to take over the world." like a college degree inside of a fancy hardback cover with that crisp insignia. I have every right to be jealous for not having my own.
So it got me thinking, why doesn't the military give out diplomas or something at graduation? I mean they definitely have the resources to make it happen, so what's the catch? Are we not worthy of such a high honor? Boot Camp graduation is a very formal and well-orchestrated event, imagine the icing on the cake if you also walked out of there with a fancy degree in your hand. I would say even the victory walk across the stage to receive said degree wouldn't be to much to ask for.
I guarantee the recruits would take it a lot more serious if they knew what they'd be missing out on if they didn't make it to graduation. I'm just saying, a little incentive never hurt anybody.
So for all the Vets and Active Duty killers out there who never got their 30 seconds of fame at some prestigious University graduation, I present to you the "Boot Camp Graduate" Morale Patch.
You deserve it,
Steven
]]>Story time,
It was my first morning in Sun Valley, Idaho and Yanne and I just finished with some Jiu Jitsu and he was driving me around town showing me what's what.
One of the stops, of course, was the gym, in which we pulled up to the front, hopped out and took a quick tour inside. On our way back out, Yanne hit the auto-starter on his truck and pulled a quick sidebar to show me the view over the pool with the spectacular mountains in Ketchum.
We were standing there for about 24 seconds, talking about life, and out of nowhere this screeching voice calls out, "IS THIS YOUR TRUCK!?". She then sternly asks if she can turn his truck off. (I guess there's vehicle idling rules or some shit.)
To the lady's dismay, Yanne sternly goes "No!", and with them looking at us like we were deranged maniacs, he followed it up with a "Carry on". He actually said "Carry on". They moseyed off, obviously muttering under their breaths about what had just happened.
As we got back in his truck, he was like "I'm glad you got to see that. There's like a whole community of those types of women out here out here...sometimes you just gotta put your foot down."
It was one of the realest moves I'd ever seen, and a lesson to us all. When it comes to Karens, sometimes you just need to put your foot down.
Restocks? ANOTHER ONE:
Any old horny Karens, hit my line,
Steven
]]>
One glance at our AR-15 "Thunderstruck" Morale Patch and you'll be "Ah-ah-ah-ah, ah-ah-ah, ah-ing" your little rifle-loving heart out. Whether your headed to Texas to have some fun or the SHOT Show in Vegas for even a little more fun, we got you covered. This patch could make it through anything with you, even Hell and back.
The embroidery work on this patch is as close to impeccable as it gets, and the sharp heat cut finish means that not only does it look crisp, but it will stay crisp for a long time. I'd even be willing to say this patch will last longer then your real AR-15 back at home. That's a bold statement coming from a simple patch guy like myself, but I stand by it.
The AC/DC parody design of this patch will make you want to head to the range with the boys and go nuts while blaring "Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap" on repeat. Sounds like a hell of a day to me.
You've been thunderstruck,
Steven
]]>
Welcome to the NOSHO, Sluts
We know it's been a little while since we dropped anything new so we figured we'd bring you this absolute clapper of a trio based off of your favorite Canadian senior hockey team. For somebody who was born and raised in Florida, and hasn't put on a pair of ice skates since an elementary school summer camp to a very sketchy ice rink in Daytona Beach, I'm a big hockey guy. My admiration from the sport came from a weekend trip to D.C. sponsored by the MWR back in 2017, which included discounted tickets to a Capitals v.s. Penguins game. With a belly full of draft beer and the boys getting "probably" a little too rowdy, I'd never had as much fun at any live sporting event than I did in that arena. I think any sport that requires an insane amount of athleticism and for you to be ready to exchange bare knuckle haymakers at a moment's notice is worth paying attention to.
Also, in honor of Jared Keeso's acting skills and our love for Canada, we RESTOCKED our Letterkenny Patch!
Along with these beauties:
Give yer balls a tug,
Steven
]]>There's a cold place in hell for whoever thought of resort fees. Just when you think you've got your vacation budget under control, boom! There they are, tacking on an extra charge for 'amenities' you didn't even know existed. It's like they're saying, "Hey, you didn't use the room phone or the 'state of the art' fitness room? Well, enjoy paying for them both!" Next thing you know, you're shelling out extra cash for Wi-Fi and daily newspapers, when you haven't read a newspaper in 5 years. It's nonsense!
I'm convinced that it's only going to get worse. Like in the future, you will be paying a "Sunbathing Fee" or "Breathing Fee" if your resort feels like the quality of the air they are providing is just too good to be free. Actually, the air is so clean that this fee will just be non-negotiable. I once had to pay a non-negotiable, 15$ "Entertainment Fee" in a hotel I stayed in a couple of years ago. When I asked what my entertainment fee was for, they said "Did you not have a TV in your room, sir?" Can't argue with that!
Appreciate the hospitality, Red Roof
Steven
]]>Look, I knew I was never going to be a professional bullfighter, but that's not why I did it...
To be clear, this patch isn't saying "Damn. Sluts!" in any sort of aggressive or judgmental tone. It should be read like, "Damn. Sluts! (:", in a fun, playful, and exciting way. I figured I had to make myself clear on this one before people thought we had some sort of beef with the slut community.
It hasn't been that long since we released our last Wedding Crashers patch and for a good reason, this movie is a one-liner gold mine. I'd seriously love a chance to shake the hands of the screenwriters and bullshit over a beer, or a crabcake. I think a crabcake would be more fitting. And maybe afterward we could slide over to the bachelor party with Sack, I hear those environmental group gals are gonna be in attendance. (We can dip out once the otter stories start coming out.)
Have a good one, "team player"
Steven
]]>Whaddup,
First, Dennis Reynolds is and always will be one of the greatest showmen the world of entertainment has ever seen. He rocks a skin-tight, spandex jumpsuit better than Bowie and Mcjagger, and has a voice that would put any of these "rockstars" to shame. The man puts the sex appeal in sex, drugs, and rock n' roll.
It's crazy how creative you can be when you isolate yourself in a dark room with a can of spray paint (For huffing, obviously.) and an electric keyboard. Give Charlie enough time in there and he'll give you way more than just 9 symphonies. After he destroys a couple of hotel rooms, first.
Breaking other people's shit: that's Rock n' Roll.
That's it,
Steven
]]>Hey,
I made you a patch. I just saw something, and I thought of you... and I don't want it to be weird...I just wanted to be nice. (But not weird like a grown man giving another grown man a present.) It's okay, you're welcome.
It's funny because we're both Veterans. We both endured a lot of bullshit. But, hey, I got a weird sense of humor, I'm a sick puppy.
Do you understand what's so funny about this patch, though? Because at first glance you think it's just another veteran patch from some military operation, but then at second glance you read, "Operation enduring this bullshit", and now you're thinking this is outrageous!
Happy Friday,
Steven
P.S. Little River Band goes hard.
]]>*We are pleased to announce that all proceeds from this patch will be donated to The Enrique S. Camarena Educational Foundation. The Foundation was founded to preserve and promote the sacrifices made by Special Agent “Kiki” Camarena as well as all law enforcement officers who have given their lives in fighting drug abuse. In addition, the foundation also established The Drug Abuse Education Scholarship Program in an effort to promote a discussion of drug-free lifestyles among our Nation’s youth.
There are not too many jobs out there that sound less appealing to me than working undercover assignments for the DEA infiltrating Mexican drug cartels. The risk/reward just isn't there for me. But that's why I do what I do and men like Enrique "Kiki" Camarena do what they do. Going toe-to-toe with some of the most dangerous cartels on the planet is no child's play. But doing it while wearing a wire is just a whole different beast, man.
The first launch letter I wrote was for our "Policia, Cabron" patch, and I told a story about that one time I was in Tijuana, the cartel, and a brick of bam-bam taped to the underside of a car. That was in 2019, and Tijuana is basically just San Diego but at a discounted price, and I was still sketched the fuck out about the whole incident. Kiki was handling business in 1985 Guadalajara with much more to concern himself with than one measly kilo. He was going after the whole damn industry.
Enrique "Kiki" Camarena was a true hero and his dedication to justice and the well-being of others will always be remembered. His bravery and selflessness knew no bounds, and may his legacy continue to inspire the future generations to come.
Hope you guys enjoy,
Steven
]]>Once upon a time, there was a man named Jack. Jack was known as the best FBI informant in the world. He had a unique talent for gathering information from the most dangerous and unpredictable criminal organizations. Jack was known for his quick wit, sharp tongue, and impeccable disguise skills.
One day, the FBI assigned Jack to go undercover as a member of a notorious gang known as the "Pink Flamingos." Jack was nervous but confident, knowing that he had aces up his sleeve when it came to fooling the bad guys.
He arrived at the gang's hideout and was immediately taken to meet the leader, a man known as "Flamingo Jones." Jones was impressed with Jack's skills and quickly welcomed him into the gang. Jack quickly rose through the ranks and became one of Jones' closest advisors.
However, Jack soon realized that the Pink Flamingos were not just a gang, they were a secret society of crime bosses who organized the most elaborate and daring heists. Jack was determined to take them down and started gathering evidence.
One day, while the Pink Flamingos were planning their next big heist, Jack accidentally stumbled upon a secret room filled with hidden treasures. Instead of reporting back to the FBI, Jack had an idea. He quickly filled his pockets with as much treasure as he could and made a run for it.
The Pink Flamingos chased after Jack, but he was too quick for them. Jack jumped on his motorcycle and rode off into the sunset with a huge grin on his face. The FBI was confused when Jack showed up at their headquarters with a truck full of stolen treasures, but Jack simply said, "I got the evidence!"
From that day forward, Jack was known as the best FBI informant in the world and the best thief in the world. He retired with a huge fortune and lived happily ever after, always ready for his next big adventure.
Howdy,
"Don't be evil." was Google's motto from 2000-2018 before it just sorta went bye-bye. It wasn't a big announcement either, nor, did it get changed to something even more obvious like "Don't kill people." Nope, they just took it down, and with more "adventurous" projects being brought to light, it's probably not hard to figure out why. Maybe they decided it's fine to be evil some of the time, or when the profit margins are looking nice. Who knows, but when one of the largest tech companies in the world decides not being evil isn't really a top priority anymore... Well, you better look alive.
As 2022 comes to an end, I'd like to personally wish every single one of you (who actually read this far) a Happy New Year! Thank you for letting me fill your inbox with cheap jokes and "had-to-be-there" Navy stories.
See ya next year (;
Steven
]]>This episode sure didn't age well...
What would you do if a person you were trying to expose for unlawful acts turned out to be the coolest person you've ever met? I guess it would just have to depend on the crime being committed. In Topher's case, absolutely no mercy. That shit is creepy and the world is better off without people like him in it. This episode has actually been removed from streaming services for the same allegations the actor is guilty of in the show. Jillian was right, take him away boys.
I could understand the dilemma, though. Adam, Blake, and Ders don't exactly live the most exciting lives, and they now had an opportunity to party in the penthouse penthouse. (Apparently, you can piss wherever you want in there.) It probably beats riding around in a tricycle while you're volunteering for the neighborhood watch. But, unfortunately for Topher, their morals kicked in just in time to put a stop to all that bullshit.
Do the right thing,
Steven
Here's a patch for your buddy's gun bag,
I haven't shot a firearm in over 6 years. The last time was in navy Boot Camp, where you shoot a pistol (I don't even remember what kind.) 6 times and a 12 gauge once. It wasn't really the combat training I had in mind, but then again, I joined the Navy so what was I to expect? It's funny, I'm not sure how true this is, but I guess they had to shut the Navy Boot Camp firing range down because it was indoors and after years of recruits in there firing off rounds the walls were coated with gunpowder and became a serious fire threat. This intel was relayed to us by an E-1 who just go to the fleet, so don't quote me on it. But if it is true, it's probably a good idea they closed it down. I remember when I was in line to shoot the 12 gauge at a paper target from 15ft away, the recruit before me somehow shot the ceiling like 4ft before the target. It would have been a bad day if that did somehow start a fire, we hadn't even started our Damage Control training yet!
We're not operators over here, man, but we can sure tie some square knots like you wouldn't believe.
Love you all,
Steven
Valued Subscribers,
I don't know why "Let's lick tits" isn't a more widely used phrase in our day-to-day lives. Not just because of how easily it rolls off the tongue, but also because it's got so many follow-up phrases that would make for some pretty sweet dialogue. If someone says that to you, you can come back at them with something like "Don't threaten me with a good time." or "Looks like there's gonna be double trouble." That's just me spitballing ideas off the top of my head and they're already better than what you could say after something like "Let's blow this popsicle stand." People are too busy trying to picture what a popsicle stand even is, or worse, questioning why someone would want to blow one. But who's not getting excited over the thought of licking some tits, even if it is just a figure of speech? That's something most of us here can relate to, or at least really really want to relate to.
Steven
]]>Shit! I know shits bad right now…
President Camacho understands “everyone's shits emotional right now”, but he’s got a 3-point plan to fix everything. Which is really just a one-point plan broken up into 3 separate statements all getting at the same thing. But who's going to correct the leader of the free world who's also handy with a machine gun? That’s what I thought! Also, I think if the President was to start arriving at important events on a motorcycle wearing an American flag vest (No shirt underneath of course.) people would have a lot more respect for his leadership.
The opening scene of this movie is the most relatable military representation I’ve ever seen. Just a guy trying to be a gray man doing the absolute least to get his benefits and bounce. That’s really the name of the game. His librarian position was a lot like my short but oh-so-sweet time as the Float Coat PO back in the day. (A float coat is the floatation device you see people on the flight deck wear while out to sea.) I was responsible for all of our float coat inventory and maintenance for about 3 months. Except for the 3 months I was in charge, we were pier side in the shipyards and nobody had any need to even look at a float coat during this time. My work days were strictly spent “sitting on my ass watching TV”. It was a good life.
Brought to you by Carl’s Junior,
Steven
Alright,
Everyone settle down. It's just a Morale Patch. No need to get your panties in a wad. Or your boxer briefs. I don't even know anymore. I guess the saying should just be don't get your undergarments in a wad because I'm not trying to assume anyone's gender here.
I really don't give much thought to all this non-binary, transgender, he-said/she-said pandemonium going on right now. I have neither the care nor the time to try and figure it all out. If a grown man wants to walk around in a skirt telling people that "Testosterone is a poison." then so be it. The other day, I was scrolling through the gram and I watched a clip from a transgender hockey league game. The video was of a trans-male skating back to the bench, and a trans-female ACCIDENTALLY running into her, blindsiding her at a barely faster-than-walking pace. The trans-male was knocked completely off "his" feet and into the wall where "he" laid there unconscious from a concussion. It would have made Terry Sawchuk roll over in his grave...
I actually identify as a PVC Morale Patch,
Steven
]]>I think all the veterans in the chat feel me when I say that the last day of your military service is the most magical feeling one could have. You are untouchable, the Golden God amongst men, and not a single soul could mess with your mojo. I remember watching the guys that left before me, and for some odd reason, it always reminded me of the scene from Holes where Stanley and Zero are finally leaving Camp Green Lake. (Watch this video if you have no idea what I'm talking about.) Warden Walker being the salty, depressed E-5 who just re-upped for another 5 years.
I was pretty disappointed they don't actually give you a hard copy DD214 anymore on your last day. I had dreams of walking through my ship, golden ticket in hand, and telling my old LPO how much she sucked right before I bounced. But they made me wait till my terminal leave was up and then some First Class called me up and said, verbatim, "Yo, man. So, uhhh, you're out of the Navy now. Just like, check your email when you get a chance to make sure you got your DD214. Besides that, you're done, you lucky fuck." I assume they do it this way now after dealing with way to many disgruntled service members acting a fool once they got handed their freedom papers. You get dragged through the mud for 5 years and a brotha can't even get what he needs to say off his chest? Classic military.
See ya on the outside,
Steven
What's up, Chumps!
(If you read this patch, and it's not in your best Russian accent, then this patch probably isn't for you.)
Not trying to take away from Ivan's victory here, but is everyone going to act like they didn't see Ivan shove the referee back as he was trying to stop the fight? I'm not a big boxing guy, but I'm pretty sure that's gotta be some sort of violation. I'd like to see him try to punk Marc Goddard like that if he was the ref in charge. He'd get "double-legged" into next week.
This patch reminds me of the last thought to go through my head anytime I hype up one of my boys to do something that they probably shouldn't be doing. Case in point, my friend of 15+ years came back to town for Thanksgiving and he wanted to try the whole Jiu Jitsu thing out. He was a varsity wrestler in high school so he figured he'd hold his own on the mats. I picked him up to head to the gym and the last words his dear mother said to us before we pulled off was "Take it easy, you guys. Don't hurt each other." As soon as the car door shut, I turned to him and said "If he dies... he dies." Coincidentally, he tore his pec (We're still not sure how.) and his mom was not a happy camper.
I cannot be defeated, I defeat all men!
-Steven
Howdy,
The more and more I've looked at this patch, the more and more I've been assessing the people around me in my life to determine if I am, and I quote, "surrounded by idiots."
I'm definitely not surrounded by idiots at work. Actually, I'm not surrounded by anybody at all. I work by myself here, which has it's perks. I'm always the smartest person in the room.
It's not my family, either; I know that because I'm politely forced to go play trivia with them every week, and if we don't get at least in the top 3 then it was all for nothing.
That takes me to Jiu-Jitsu, where my main training partners consist of an orthopedic surgeon, an anesthesiologist, an aerospace engineer employed by NASA, and a trauma unit nurse. So, that ain't it. After careful deliberation, I've come to the conclusion that I may be "the idiot." It's okay, though, I make up for it with my can-do attitude toward life.
Speaking of idiots, you guys see the article talking about the Air Force "unveiling" the B-21 Raider, "the most advanced military aircraft ever built." That's bullshit! Violent Little unveiled the B-21 Raider months ago! The only reason we didn't tell Fox News was that we were trying to be stealthy about it.
-Steven
I don't necessarily have "combat experience", I was in the Navy stationed on an Aircraft Carrier. Yes, I had my fair share of time down range, but never saw any sort of boots-on-ground type action. I can imagine even the IT guys that are part of these deployments probably do see their fair share of wild shit. But like I said before, I was in the Navy, so I can only speak intelligently about what I've been through firsthand. (With slight exaggeration from time to time just for my own ego.)
Let me be the first to say, if any navy IT guy comes back from deployment and tries to tell you it was rough, he deserves a swift kick in the ass. These guys are living in pure luxury. You'll never catch one of these guys in a bad mood unless their turn got skipped on Super Smash Bros. Like even their chain of command is so 'laxed because they ain't doing shit either. True story, one time I had to go down to their office during deployment to get something fixed with my internet access, and these guys had the NBA Finals on eating popcorn with all of the lights off. Then had the audacity to try to tell me that I had to come back tomorrow because "The system was down." You can't argue with these guys either, because one click and you ain't ever emailing your folks again...
The moral of the story: Choose your rate, choose your fate.
Steven
The inspiration behind this patch is one of the greatest things I've ever witnessed in my time in uniform. So, story time...
The day before we pulled back into port from my first deployment, we had an award ceremony for all of the personnel in Air Department. Everyone was required to be there, in ranks, and looking as presentable as possible after spending seven months at sea. The Air Boss and Commanding Officer took the stage and began presenting awards to sailors one by one, shaking their hands and grabbing a quick pic for the gram. After they were done with the awards, the Air Boss wanted to acknowledge and thank the sailors who were either separating or transferring once we got back home. One of the guys he called up, took the stage, shook the hands of all the top brass, walked over to the mic, and yelled "E-3 till I'm free!!"
I'm not exaggerating, it was more hyped than when Jordan Belfort screamed "I'm not fuckin' leaving!" in The Wolf of Wall Street. People were losing their minds, myself included. All of the chiefs were frantically trying to get us to shut the fuck up and stand at attention. But, I swear all the pilots in attendance were trying as hard as they could to hold it together. It was like the shining beacon of hope we all desperately needed at the time.
Yo, Fish, if you're reading this, you're my goddamn hero.
Steven
First thing first. Chazz Reinhold is not a kook! He's brave and a decent man! HE'S A PIONEER...
Although Wedding Crashers is probably one of the best comedies ever made, it is full of life lessons that might as well be scripture. These are serious tips provided to us by some of the best to ever do it.
1. If a girl has a temper tantrum in public the first time you ever hang out, get the fuck out of there. It doesn't matter how hot she is. That's going to be trouble down the road.
2. Never go hunting with complete strangers. Especially if you're trying to get with one of the stranger's girlfriends.
3. If you find yourself in a nude, gay art show with your hands tied to a bedframe, just be cool and try to use reason. If that doesn't work, try begging.
4. Lastly, if you are going to try to pick up chicks at a funeral, leave your emotions at home. There's too much at stake for your feelings and morals to get in the way. Keep your eyes on the prize and the crybaby bullshit at home.
Off to play the motorboat,
Steven
Greetings,
There's nothing wrong with a little good-hearted promiscuity in the bedroom. The real issue here is the lack of communication between Mitch and Heidi. The time to tell your significant other that you're into orgys is NOT after the naked couple comes out of your bathroom with blindfolds on. I can't imagine that would be too easy for anyone to process, especially when you have a butt-naked man with his arms around you after he yells, "Gotcha!"
On the other hand, maybe Mitch just needs to lighten up and not be so quick to shut down ideas just because they're a little unorthodox. After all, it's purely sexual.
Wear protection,
Steven
]]>Maverick, is it?
Yanne here, owner of this "website", with a quick letter to our three or four subscribers who are actually pilots.
I don't own a motorcycle, but every time I'm driving adjacent to a runway I stick my arm out the window and pump my arm and fist into the air, but since I'm in a truck and white I feel like it comes across more as a negative political gesture than any sort of positive encouragement to take flight. "Shutdown the airport!"
I've got a C-130 Pilot buddy out of Reno (or at least that's where he used to be until he went off grid. Or was it me that went off-grid? I don't even know if he's still alive. I could text him right now, but I'm going to keep going with the email because I like the direction this is heading in my mind). I seem to remember him saying that they all got demerits in flight school anytime they made a Top Gun reference. Makes sense. I feel like I could get through the curriculum using nothing but quotes from the movie. Sounds like a formula for success whilst also getting performance dropped and getting sent to a ship undesignated. That was the playbook I adopted for myself in BUD/s...kidding...I straight up quit.
Here are a few rules about flying, and generally being in the Navy for 15-ish months, that I've picked up along the way that you might find useful:
1) Always showboat with MIGs.
2) Disregard Air Traffic Control and lawful orders in restricted military airspace...not a big deal.
3) Turns out there's quite a bit of money in flying cargo planes from Hong Kong. It deserves more career consideration.
4) If you learn one song on the piano, it should be this one: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b8wFBUF1ZWY
All I've got,
Yanne