by Steven Bartholomew |
January 03, 2023
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Alright,
Everyone settle down. It's just a Morale Patch. No need to get your panties in a wad. Or your boxer briefs. I don't even know anymore. I guess the saying should just be don't get your undergarments in a wad because I'm not trying to assume anyone's gender here.
I really don't give much thought to all this non-binary, transgender, he-said/she-said pandemonium going on right now. I have neither the care nor the time to try and figure it all out. If a grown man wants to walk around in a skirt telling people that "Testosterone is a poison." then so be it. The other day, I was scrolling through the gram and I watched a clip from a transgender hockey league game. The video was of a trans-male skating back to the bench, and a trans-female ACCIDENTALLY running into her, blindsiding her at a barely faster-than-walking pace. The trans-male was knocked completely off "his" feet and into the wall where "he" laid there unconscious from a concussion. It would have made Terry Sawchuk roll over in his grave...
I actually identify as a PVC Morale Patch,
Steven
by Steven Bartholomew |
January 01, 2023
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I think all the veterans in the chat feel me when I say that the last day of your military service is the most magical feeling one could have. You are untouchable, the Golden God amongst men, and not a single soul could mess with your mojo. I remember watching the guys that left before me, and for some odd reason, it always reminded me of the scene from Holes where Stanley and Zero are finally leaving Camp Green Lake. (Watch this video if you have no idea what I'm talking about.) Warden Walker being the salty, depressed E-5 who just re-upped for another 5 years.
I was pretty disappointed they don't actually give you a hard copy DD214 anymore on your last day. I had dreams of walking through my ship, golden ticket in hand, and telling my old LPO how much she sucked right before I bounced. But they made me wait till my terminal leave was up and then some First Class called me up and said, verbatim, "Yo, man. So, uhhh, you're out of the Navy now. Just like, check your email when you get a chance to make sure you got your DD214. Besides that, you're done, you lucky fuck." I assume they do it this way now after dealing with way to many disgruntled service members acting a fool once they got handed their freedom papers. You get dragged through the mud for 5 years and a brotha can't even get what he needs to say off his chest? Classic military.
See ya on the outside,
Steven
by Steven Bartholomew |
December 21, 2022
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What's up, Chumps!
(If you read this patch, and it's not in your best Russian accent, then this patch probably isn't for you.)
Not trying to take away from Ivan's victory here, but is everyone going to act like they didn't see Ivan shove the referee back as he was trying to stop the fight? I'm not a big boxing guy, but I'm pretty sure that's gotta be some sort of violation. I'd like to see him try to punk Marc Goddard like that if he was the ref in charge. He'd get "double-legged" into next week.
This patch reminds me of the last thought to go through my head anytime I hype up one of my boys to do something that they probably shouldn't be doing. Case in point, my friend of 15+ years came back to town for Thanksgiving and he wanted to try the whole Jiu Jitsu thing out. He was a varsity wrestler in high school so he figured he'd hold his own on the mats. I picked him up to head to the gym and the last words his dear mother said to us before we pulled off was "Take it easy, you guys. Don't hurt each other." As soon as the car door shut, I turned to him and said "If he dies... he dies." Coincidentally, he tore his pec (We're still not sure how.) and his mom was not a happy camper.
I cannot be defeated, I defeat all men!
-Steven
