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The Infamous Peanut Butter Shot

by Steven Bartholomew | July 22, 2022 | 0 Comments

Yo, do I even need to explain this patch to you guys? Either you know it or you don't. But for those of you who like to claim you served, I got a story you can use the next time you want to spill your bullshit military stories at the family BBQ.

I went through many obstacles while I was in the service. Some minor and some that I thought I was never going to be able to get through. But that's the point right? That's what Boot Camp prepares you for, to tackle all of the bullshit you MAY encounter out in the "Fleet". Two deployments, countless underway, and a stint in the Shipyards can be a real pain after a while. But nothing I faced was more of a pain than my Peanut Butter Shot in Boot Camp. 

Let me paint you a picture. I was a starry-eyed 18-year-old, homesick as hell but excited for what my enlistment would be like. Three or Four days into P-days, which is a whole other story, we were scheduled to get our vaccinations. I thought "No, big deal. I've had plenty of Flu shots in my life." Except, no flu shot ever required me to pull my pants down, bend over a table, and stare a fellow recruit in the eyes as we awaited our shots together. Now the guy across from me was a 28-year-old, previous construction worker from Oklahoma who was enlisted on a Seal contract. He was stone cold at all times and showed zero emotion the entire 8 weeks I was with him. (He is actually a Seal now) He was getting his shot before me, so I thought, "Okay, I'll see how he handles it and that will give me a good idea where I'm at." So, they give him his shot, and this dude slams his fist on the table, groans out, and then yells "Fuck!". Knowing I was next, and seeing his reaction, we looked at each other and all I could say was... "Fuck".

The next morning, they woke us up, and forgetting how miserably sore my ass cheek was from yesterday's shenanigans, I hopped right out of the top bunk and my leg gave out because I was still so sore. I sat on the floor and just watched as the same thing happened to about half the guys that jumped out of their top racks. A couple of days later, we were all back at it and forgot about the whole experience. Until one night we were folding the clean laundry we just got back and all of us held up our underwear we wore during the Peanut Butter Shot Adventure. We all had matching blood stains..I think that's when we really came together as a division. 

Fun Fact, I actually still have that one pair of Whitey Tighties with the blood stain on them to this day. I don't wear them, I just keep them to look at whenever the recruiter calls me to ask if "I'm interested in the reserves?"

This Patch is also available as a Sticker!

-Steven

Check out some more classics we've restocked:

1. Follow Me on Onlyfans

2. Policia, Cabron

3. Patrick Bateman Business Card

4. Morally Flexible

5. Bawn Journo

 

 

Get Real Weird With It

by Steven Bartholomew | July 21, 2022 | 0 Comments

3:00 PM, On a Friday

The first time I caught a glimpse of Frank Reynolds was in Season 4, Episode 13, which is coincidentally the episode that inspired the "Troll Toll" Patch. I was only 11 or 12, so I didn't understand any of the jokes and I was still getting over the Penguin nightmares from watching Batman Returns a few years prior. After becoming an adult, I began to get a better understanding of where Frank was coming from. After all, we're all just air conditioners walking around on this planet, screwing each other's brains out. 

Like Frank Reynolds, we're not for everybody. I actually get reminded quite often in our inbox of just how "not for everybody" we really are. That's just the downside of being the customer service representative for a company with a knack for alienating people and pissing them off. At least in the Navy, when somebody told me to go fuck myself it was usually for a good reason, not because a rubber patch ruined someone's whole day.

Sticker available. But you have to get one or the other, because of the Implications... Ok, get both.

Hope to see you at the party in the park this weekend,

Steven

New Patch: 'Hutus & Tutsis Roll"

by Steven Bartholomew | July 19, 2022 | 0 Comments

    

Happy Julyteenth, Everybody (This means nothing by the way)

First, let's get the obvious out of the way, this patch is in no way affiliated with Too tsie Rolls Industries. I picked up a few tactics on tricking those algorithms from Yanne during our last candy bar patch hiatus. (For those of you just joining us, we pulled a similar stunt with our "Fuckers" Patch.)  We've thought all this through. See, if you're going to dabble in parody law, might as well do it with a large chocolate corporation. At least they'll probably have free candy bars in the board room while you wait to meet with the legal team. 

Speaking of legal teams, so Felicien Kabuga is fucked, huh? The asshole accused of funding the Rwanda Genocide was finally caught and thrown in "The Hague" (This is not breaking news). That name sounds like either a map from Call of Duty or an absolutely terrifying prison in a foreign country. For his sake, I hope it's the latter. He pleaded not guilty for his crimes against humanity, even though he was in hiding for 26 years. Sounds like they must have needed all the time they could get to get everyone's stories straight. But I'll save that for the prosecution team.

Signing off. 

-Steven 

Posted in new products, patches, Violent Little

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