Little Box of Violence: January Box Review

by Yanne Root | January 10, 2016 | 1 Comment

We're not a big fan of doing a monthly theme for our little boxes of violence, unless of course that theme is "fucked up shit". A) Its just too much work to find all this stuff, let alone sorted by theme. And B) Do you want a box of awesomeness every month, or do you want to risk receiving a box with nothing but band aids and tourniquets? Yeah, I think we'll just stick to the "fucking be awesome" theme. What we do do is focus on making each mystery box a carefully curated box of hilarity. Some of the stuff is useful. Some of the stuff is edible. But most of the stuff is meant to be...well...Violent Littley and completely worthless. If you don't know what that means by now, seeing as how its 11:20 PM on a Friday and I'm a Xanie bar deep watching The Hobbit, now is not the time to explain what that means to your ass, as much as we do love you. Hell, if you're even reading this, you're probably one of our best friends.

For this January's month box we opened it up to an additional 200 subscribers, limited to the United States only. This brings our total subscriber base up to 300 just 2 months into this journey of ours. 

With that, This month's box, costing $49.95 + shipping, came in at a stunning retail value of $105...which means we're fucking doing our job of providing an insane amount of value -that is if you consider bullshit to be value. Now...what's in the box?

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1. The Box

Its a box, but this one is blue with some cool stickers on the outside. Sure as hell beats a generic box. How many of you guys and gals got hard when you saw it sitting in your mail pile coming back from your long day working in the salt mines. You knew exactly what it was from afar...mission accomplished. Get your subscription here.

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2. “That VA Life” Comic Book

You have received the very first issue of a new comic book series written by Violent Little and Thirty Seconds Out, and illustrated by military artist, Joshua Johnson. So hot off-the-press, the subscribers of this box are the first people to ever see it. And not that we’re that important or anything, but we’ve signed every single copy. It’ll be worth at least an extra dollar 30 years from now. We basically just got drunk on a Sunday morning, wrote it, and forced Joshua Johnson to illustrate it under penalty of waterboarding...and trust us, Thirty Seconds Out know how to waterboard a Mafuckah.

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3. Creasy Bear Shemagh by Combat Flip Flops

How much harder are we going to ride this Creasy Bear gravy train? Answer: As long as we have to. It was high time we stop licking around Combat Flip Flops’ assholes and just stick it in already. Made and embroidered in Afghanistan, each shemagh purchased funds one day of school for an Afghan woman. The dudes at Combat Flip Flops do some next level shit when it comes to doing real good around the world...like educating people out of poverty and clearing land mines, which in turn reduces armed conflicts. These guys think ahead three layers deep on the world's problems and are obviously doing something insanely right given their successful appearance on Shark Tank where they received a three-way investment from Mark Cuban, Daymond John, and Lori...nobody can ever remember her last name -but she's legit, and pretty attractive to boot (for a successful, intelligent, non-do-nothing bitch). Combat Flip Flops makes us feel like a bunch of douchebags over here with all the good they do...meanwhile we're just getting drunk and popping addies in hotel rooms and thinking up fucked up patches to make. Check them out on Instagram @combatflipflops, or get serious at www.combatflipflops.com.

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4. 30 SEC OUT Beanie

The death reaper that is the man behind Thirty Seconds Out is a ski junkie...seriously...the guy’s got like 9 pairs of skis and he chooses them like he chose his weapons on his missions in his past life...sometimes he went with the Tomahawk. He's 100% focused. All he wants to do is ski -we’re sick of hearing about it. We’re buried under 4 feet of powder out here in the mountains of Idaho though. The East Coast -well y’all are sucking right now. Snow or not, this shit’ll keep you warm. Get in the know and stalk this company on Instagram at @thirtysecondsout, and shop for all that other legit shit on www.thirtysecondsout.com. One time I snuck up on him in my own shop and it almost cost me my life.

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5. Fisherman Card by Readyman

We loaded up the truck the other day with a bunch of SEALs (cause we like you knowing that we're cool like that..and nothing says "cool" like dropping S bombs) and liquor and drove down to Salt Lake City to checkout the Readyman operation and play in the windtunnel. It was impressive. Upon arrival one of the company’s founders was seen being towed behind a motorcycle on a skateboard and into a makeshift ramp that looked like a deathtrap from...deathland. We rolled up with 3 bottles of scotch and we still had to do a liquor run an hour into it. Damnit, we hate being unprepared. There’s video footage somewhere. Oh, and check out this badass new Fisherman’s Card by them, featured here in the Little Box of Violence first! Check out their website at www.readyman.com, or creep their Instagram @readymannetwork.

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6. Modern Arms Patch

"Find Your Warrior" is Modern Arms' Mission Statement. There is a Warrior inside each of us waiting to be found. The philosophy of the Spartan, Ronin, Einherjar, Patriot, and Crusader must be resurrected each generation and employed in our daily lives. The "Find Your Warrior" Modern Arms Crest is a glow in the dark tribute to those warriors and its light will break the darkness. These patches are not available to the public and were made exclusively for the Little Box of Violence. Check out Modern Arms on Instagram @modernarms or their web site at www.modernarms.net.

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7. Dr. Little’s Field Condom

Poisonous snakes and condoms, two things Violent Little doesn’t fuck with. But lucky for our fans, the Doctor is in, and he’s following up last month’s wildly popular AIDS cure with his Field Condom. Can be used for so many activities. Unlubricated, proceed with caution. Its friction fire season. Now available for purchase here.

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8. Fuck Off Folks Patch

Here’s a Violent Little special coming at you live, like the TJ Burke Show. As box subscribers you also get first crack at this patch. We didn’t think you’d mind having this shoved down your throats. CLICK HERE if you missed picking this up.

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9. Adventure Flask

We told you we were going to make you better drinkers...did you think we were just lying? This 5 oz flask is our go-to for basically every single activity that doesn’t take place in our home or at a bar. Get drunk everywhere.

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10. Valhalla Patch (Urban Edition)

Once only available to box subscribers is now open to the public, available here if we've still got them in stock. Tired of waiting? Become a box subscriber and point your business finger at everyone else waiting in line. I think we’re going to make this a thing. Pays to be a box subscriber...and a winner.

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11. Twinkies or Cupcakes

The worst part about procuring this product was walking around Costco with 15 boxes of cupcakes and Twinkies in our cart...and nothing else. Go ahead, take a bite...eat the whole thing...then use your shame tears to masturbate yourself to sleep.

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Pro Tip: Check out our buddies at blkmkt.org or their Instagram @blkmktorg. Its fast becoming the best place to buy tactical and military shit. Its basically the Ebay for tactical gear, but more better.

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And that's all folks...thanks for reading. Subscribe to the box here if you haven't already...its a whole thing.

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1 Comment

WilliamOa said:

piece of information. Im glad that you shared this useful info with us. Please keep us informed like this. Thanks for sharing Jacelyn

June 27, 2016

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