by Steven Bartholomew |
October 14, 2022
Californians are probably like, "What the hell, give us a fuckin' break!" The answer is no, not only no, but hell no. Why would we? California is a goldmine for condescending, passive-aggressive patches. It's like 1849 all over again! (That joke is going to go over a lot of heads.)
Before I was convinced to get in on the action here at Violent Little, (It really didn't take much convincing.) I was living out in SoCal. It was "ight". I grew up right next to the beach in Florida, so yeah I enjoyed the weather and beaches but it wasn't like I was writing home about it. Sand is sand, but fuck that cold ass water y'all got. People would counter by saying "Where else in the country can you snowboard and surf on the same day!?" I'd fire back with "That's true, but you'd need a helicopter to make that happen." The traffic on a daily basis was unlike anything I'd ever seen. Oh, we have dinner reservations for 7? The restaurant is only 8 miles away? Guess I should be ready to leave the house at 4:30!
I do really miss the food though. Al Pastor like you wouldn't believe.
Enjoy your weekend,
P.S. You know we got the Sticker to match.
by Steven Bartholomew |
July 19, 2022
Happy Julyteenth, Everybody (This means nothing by the way)
First, let's get the obvious out of the way, this patch is in no way affiliated with Too tsie Rolls Industries. I picked up a few tactics on tricking those algorithms from Yanne during our last candy bar patch hiatus. (For those of you just joining us, we pulled a similar stunt with our "Fuckers" Patch.) We've thought all this through. See, if you're going to dabble in parody law, might as well do it with a large chocolate corporation. At least they'll probably have free candy bars in the board room while you wait to meet with the legal team.
Speaking of legal teams, so Felicien Kabuga is fucked, huh? The asshole accused of funding the Rwanda Genocide was finally caught and thrown in "The Hague" (This is not breaking news). That name sounds like either a map from Call of Duty or an absolutely terrifying prison in a foreign country. For his sake, I hope it's the latter. He pleaded not guilty for his crimes against humanity, even though he was in hiding for 26 years. Sounds like they must have needed all the time they could get to get everyone's stories straight. But I'll save that for the prosecution team.