10 things people aren't offended by...yet

by Nate Hoff | March 26, 2019 | 570 Comments

As part of our creative process here at Violent Little, we like to come up with "lists". Someone comes up with a topic and we all come up with 5-10 answers on our own. This gets the creative "juices" flowing and is generally just a fun activity. This is one of my lists from a recent session and I keep coming back to it realizing how true this is going to be. The idea was to come up with 10 things people aren't offended by yet, but surely some 20 something-year-old liberal arts major with bangs will be upset about soon. So enjoy these 10 things before they're ruined by the younger generations.

1. Professional Sports   

  Seems a little like slavery doesn't it? Just trading people for money. I mean, let's ignore the fact it's a voluntary, high paying profession that is highly respected. The people that will be offended by this are far from athletic, and probably upset because professional athletes represent everything they aren't. Successful, fit, wealthy, good looking, don't live with their parents.

2. Unauthentic ethnic food

 Cultural appropriation anyone? This will be made worse by non-indigenous people cooking the food. Nobody is mad that Steve, the community college student is cooking their tacos yet, but just you wait. This one will take a while though because virtue signalers love tacos (the only thing we can all agree on). 

3. Education

 So we're just going to sit back and let children think they're better than someone else because they worked harder in school? That's apparently what Aunt Becky from Full House thought when she paid off officials to get her kids into better Colleges. It didn't work out for her, and it won't work out for anyone else. Choose your rate, choose your fate.

4. Lines

 In this day and age with all the younger generations thinking communism is cool you know they're going to complain that lines are just a form of discrimination and inequality. Also, nobody wants to put in the work, so why would they want to stand in line for anything?

5. Their own existence

 To be fair, I'm also offended by their existence. These whiney kids will complain that they never asked to be born or live so therefore they're offended by the thought that they have to do anything or contribute to society. Not that living at your parents and playing video games all day is contributing shit.

6. Frozen water being called "ICE"

 This one is pretty self-explanatory. Immigration and Customs Enforcement is the most hated government agency by people that oddly want more government involvement in their everyday lives. At least one person is already protesting the ice maker on their refrigerator because it makes them feel racist for using it. 

7. Hooded Sweatshirts

 Seems a bit "Klanny" doesn't it? I mean, why can't people just wear hats instead? the convenience of an extra layer attached to your sweatshirt will eventually be lost on some people. It's fair to say that when this time comes, it won't be from the mouths of people that live in cold weather climates.

8. The phrase "Thank You"

 I honestly don't know where I was going with this one, but you know it will offend someone. My mind doesn't even function in a way to find this offensive, but I'm sure it will be from someone citing how men would "thank" prostitutes in the early 1900s or some bullshit like that.

9. Toe Socks

 So you're just going to assume that everyone has 10 toes? What about those who were born with 9 or 11? This anger won't apply to gloves or two-legged pants however, because that would inconvenience them too much. Unless everyone just wore dresses...fuck, now that'll become a thing.

10. Reading Rainbow

 How could anyone be offended by Reading Rainbow or LeVar Burton? Oh, they'll find a way. People get offended by books all the time. It seems like every week there's a new book under fire by the PTA. I think I heard the other day that "Everybody Poops" was being called "elitist".  

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December 08, 2020

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