Welcome to Texas!

by Steven Bartholomew | August 03, 2022 | 0 Comments


Congratulations, Texas. You made it on the list of our shitty highway sign patches. What do Texans, Crossfitters, and Vegans have in common? They never shy away from telling you all about it. I swear, I'd shake the hand of any man from Texas and give him a cigar that didn't feel the need to inform me that he was, in fact, from Texas. On the other hand, you did give us Matthew McConaughey and Woody Harrelson, so we’re cool.

I have only one experience with Texas. I was on a solo road trip from SoCal to Florida. (I was on my way to start this gig at Violent Little, actually) Well, when I was driving through Texas, for 18 demoralizing hours, I imagined I was The Bandit moving Coors from Texarkana, back East. I was in a 2008 Ford Explorer with no A/C, but in my head, I was cruising in a Pontiac Trans Am. Not really much of an experience at all, actually. Proudly, what I lack in experience, I make up for in bullshit.

I do think that shooting hogs out of a helicopter with AR's being a normal thing in Texas is pretty sick, though. I’ve never hunted a day in my life, never even had the desire, until I found out you can get aerial with it. I’m just saying, if an animal is wreaking havoc on native wildlife and agricultural land, then why not take care of it in an efficient manner? Yanne, do you still have that number to the guy with the Little Bird hookup?

Holler if you need me,


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