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Jack and the Pink Flamingos

by Steven Bartholomew | February 05, 2023 | 0 Comments

Once upon a time, there was a man named Jack. Jack was known as the best FBI informant in the world. He had a unique talent for gathering information from the most dangerous and unpredictable criminal organizations. Jack was known for his quick wit, sharp tongue, and impeccable disguise skills.

One day, the FBI assigned Jack to go undercover as a member of a notorious gang known as the "Pink Flamingos." Jack was nervous but confident, knowing that he had aces up his sleeve when it came to fooling the bad guys.

He arrived at the gang's hideout and was immediately taken to meet the leader, a man known as "Flamingo Jones." Jones was impressed with Jack's skills and quickly welcomed him into the gang. Jack quickly rose through the ranks and became one of Jones' closest advisors.

However, Jack soon realized that the Pink Flamingos were not just a gang, they were a secret society of crime bosses who organized the most elaborate and daring heists. Jack was determined to take them down and started gathering evidence.

One day, while the Pink Flamingos were planning their next big heist, Jack accidentally stumbled upon a secret room filled with hidden treasures. Instead of reporting back to the FBI, Jack had an idea. He quickly filled his pockets with as much treasure as he could and made a run for it.

The Pink Flamingos chased after Jack, but he was too quick for them. Jack jumped on his motorcycle and rode off into the sunset with a huge grin on his face. The FBI was confused when Jack showed up at their headquarters with a truck full of stolen treasures, but Jack simply said, "I got the evidence!"

From that day forward, Jack was known as the best FBI informant in the world and the best thief in the world. He retired with a huge fortune and lived happily ever after, always ready for his next big adventure.

"Don't be evil", said Google.

by Steven Bartholomew | February 03, 2023 | 0 Comments


"Don't be evil." was Google's motto from 2000-2018 before it just sorta went bye-bye. It wasn't a big announcement either, nor, did it get changed to something even more obvious like "Don't kill people." Nope, they just took it down, and with more "adventurous" projects being brought to light, it's probably not hard to figure out why. Maybe they decided it's fine to be evil some of the time, or when the profit margins are looking nice. Who knows, but when one of the largest tech companies in the world decides not being evil isn't really a top priority anymore... Well, you better look alive.

As 2022 comes to an end, I'd like to personally wish every single one of you (who actually read this far) a Happy New Year! Thank you for letting me fill your inbox with cheap jokes and "had-to-be-there" Navy stories.

See ya next year (;


Theodore the Spiritual Firearm Advisor

by Steven Bartholomew | February 02, 2023 | 0 Comments

Once upon a time, there lived a famous spiritual firearm advisor named Theodore. He was known far and wide for his wise advice on all matters gun-related. After years of experience and numerous successful cases, Theodore had become a sort of celebrity in the gun world.

Theodore had a unique approach to his job. He wasn’t just a gun expert, but also a spiritual advisor. He believed that the process of choosing a gun was as much about spiritual advice as it was about accuracy and power. Theodore believed that each gun had its own energy and spirit, and that this energy could be harnessed to bring the owner luck and success.

This made Theodore very popular with the gun owners of the area. He was often asked for advice when it came to choosing their weapon. Theodore would discuss the owner’s goals, values and spiritual beliefs. He would then advise them on what kind of gun best suited their character and needs.

Though his methods seemed unconventional, they worked. Theodore’s clients were always happy with the results. He often found himself giving spiritual advice on other aspects of life, such as relationships and career goals.

Theodore may have been a spiritual firearm advisor, but he was so much more.

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