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Little Box of Violence: January Box Review
We're not a big fan of doing a monthly theme for our little boxes of violence, unless of course that theme is "fucked up shit". A) Its just too much work to find all this stuff, let alone sorted by theme. And B) Do you want a box of awesomeness every month, or do you want to risk receiving a box with nothing but band aids and tourniquets? Yeah, I think we'll just stick to the "fucking be awesome" theme. What we do do is focus on making each mystery box a carefully curated box of hilarity. Some of the stuff is useful. Some of the stuff is edible. But most of the stuff is meant to be...well...Violent Littley and completely worthless. If you don't know what that means by now, seeing as how its 11:20 PM on a Friday and I'm a Xanie bar deep watching The Hobbit, now is not the time to explain what that means to your ass, as much as we do love you. Hell, if you're even reading this, you're probably one of our best friends.
For this January's month box we opened it up to an additional 200 subscribers, limited to the United States only. This brings our total subscriber base up to 300 just 2 months into this journey of ours.
With that, This month's box, costing $49.95 + shipping, came in at a stunning retail value of $105...which means we're fucking doing our job of providing an insane amount of value -that is if you consider bullshit to be value. Now...what's in the box?
1. The Box
Its a box, but this one is blue with some cool stickers on the outside. Sure as hell beats a generic box. How many of you guys and gals got hard when you saw it sitting in your mail pile coming back from your long day working in the salt mines. You knew exactly what it was from afar...mission accomplished. Get your subscription here.
2. “That VA Life” Comic Book
You have received the very first issue of a new comic book series written by Violent Little and Thirty Seconds Out, and illustrated by military artist, Joshua Johnson. So hot off-the-press, the subscribers of this box are the first people to ever see it. And not that we’re that important or anything, but we’ve signed every single copy. It’ll be worth at least an extra dollar 30 years from now. We basically just got drunk on a Sunday morning, wrote it, and forced Joshua Johnson to illustrate it under penalty of waterboarding...and trust us, Thirty Seconds Out know how to waterboard a Mafuckah.
3. Creasy Bear Shemagh by Combat Flip Flops
How much harder are we going to ride this Creasy Bear gravy train? Answer: As long as we have to. It was high time we stop licking around Combat Flip Flops’ assholes and just stick it in already. Made and embroidered in Afghanistan, each shemagh purchased funds one day of school for an Afghan woman. The dudes at Combat Flip Flops do some next level shit when it comes to doing real good around the world...like educating people out of poverty and clearing land mines, which in turn reduces armed conflicts. These guys think ahead three layers deep on the world's problems and are obviously doing something insanely right given their successful appearance on Shark Tank where they received a three-way investment from Mark Cuban, Daymond John, and Lori...nobody can ever remember her last name -but she's legit, and pretty attractive to boot (for a successful, intelligent, non-do-nothing bitch). Combat Flip Flops makes us feel like a bunch of douchebags over here with all the good they do...meanwhile we're just getting drunk and popping addies in hotel rooms and thinking up fucked up patches to make. Check them out on Instagram @combatflipflops, or get serious at www.combatflipflops.com.
4. 30 SEC OUT Beanie
The death reaper that is the man behind Thirty Seconds Out is a ski junkie...seriously...the guy’s got like 9 pairs of skis and he chooses them like he chose his weapons on his missions in his past life...sometimes he went with the Tomahawk. He's 100% focused. All he wants to do is ski -we’re sick of hearing about it. We’re buried under 4 feet of powder out here in the mountains of Idaho though. The East Coast -well y’all are sucking right now. Snow or not, this shit’ll keep you warm. Get in the know and stalk this company on Instagram at @thirtysecondsout, and shop for all that other legit shit on www.thirtysecondsout.com. One time I snuck up on him in my own shop and it almost cost me my life.
5. Fisherman Card by Readyman
We loaded up the truck the other day with a bunch of SEALs (cause we like you knowing that we're cool like that..and nothing says "cool" like dropping S bombs) and liquor and drove down to Salt Lake City to checkout the Readyman operation and play in the windtunnel. It was impressive. Upon arrival one of the company’s founders was seen being towed behind a motorcycle on a skateboard and into a makeshift ramp that looked like a deathtrap from...deathland. We rolled up with 3 bottles of scotch and we still had to do a liquor run an hour into it. Damnit, we hate being unprepared. There’s video footage somewhere. Oh, and check out this badass new Fisherman’s Card by them, featured here in the Little Box of Violence first! Check out their website at www.readyman.com, or creep their Instagram @readymannetwork.
6. Modern Arms Patch
"Find Your Warrior" is Modern Arms' Mission Statement. There is a Warrior inside each of us waiting to be found. The philosophy of the Spartan, Ronin, Einherjar, Patriot, and Crusader must be resurrected each generation and employed in our daily lives. The "Find Your Warrior" Modern Arms Crest is a glow in the dark tribute to those warriors and its light will break the darkness. These patches are not available to the public and were made exclusively for the Little Box of Violence. Check out Modern Arms on Instagram @modernarms or their web site at www.modernarms.net.
7. Dr. Little’s Field Condom
Poisonous snakes and condoms, two things Violent Little doesn’t fuck with. But lucky for our fans, the Doctor is in, and he’s following up last month’s wildly popular AIDS cure with his Field Condom. Can be used for so many activities. Unlubricated, proceed with caution. Its friction fire season. Now available for purchase here.
8. Fuck Off Folks Patch
Here’s a Violent Little special coming at you live, like the TJ Burke Show. As box subscribers you also get first crack at this patch. We didn’t think you’d mind having this shoved down your throats. CLICK HERE if you missed picking this up.
9. Adventure Flask
We told you we were going to make you better drinkers...did you think we were just lying? This 5 oz flask is our go-to for basically every single activity that doesn’t take place in our home or at a bar. Get drunk everywhere.
10. Valhalla Patch (Urban Edition)
Once only available to box subscribers is now open to the public, available here if we've still got them in stock. Tired of waiting? Become a box subscriber and point your business finger at everyone else waiting in line. I think we’re going to make this a thing. Pays to be a box subscriber...and a winner.
11. Twinkies or Cupcakes
The worst part about procuring this product was walking around Costco with 15 boxes of cupcakes and Twinkies in our cart...and nothing else. Go ahead, take a bite...eat the whole thing...then use your shame tears to masturbate yourself to sleep.
Pro Tip: Check out our buddies at blkmkt.org or their Instagram @blkmktorg. Its fast becoming the best place to buy tactical and military shit. Its basically the Ebay for tactical gear, but more better.
And that's all folks...thanks for reading. Subscribe to the box here if you haven't already...its a whole thing.
Little Box of Violence: December Box Review
Well, the first box was a huge success. All packages were shipped out on time and we were super happy with the contents and how it all came together. A big thanks goes out to all you courageous people for taking the plunge on the first box despite not even knowing what would be in it. It was a pure trust play on your part, which means a lot. We also sold out the first 100 boxes in just over an hour. We were well-prepared for it to take at least a week, but once again, you guys surprised the shit out of us. Box 2, which will be shipping on Jan 11, was opened up for sales on December 11th and we sold out of an additional 200 subscriptions in two days. Thank you.
Now...what's in the box?
Yep, your shit came in a nice, big, black box with a bunch of stickers on it.
We’re thrilled Fight Soap wanted to participate in the inaugural box when we reached out to them. This company’s probably got the biggest balls in the game...not because they’re the leader of high performance cool-guy soap, but because it looks like every employee also doubles as a scantily clad model doing all sorts of things with soap on their Instagram. I mean, how does fulfillment turn into a photo shoot? Whatever job description they’re using over there...we want some! Follow @fightsoap on Instagram...you’ll be glad you did.
The next person that gives us a Beefy-T brand shirt is getting executed. Believe that. Here at Violent Little we only use the highest quality and most lightweight tshirts. Based off of our best-selling Talk to me Goose patch, this luxurious badboy will have you inverted and on that Top Gun plaque in no time...just as you’re handed orders to go save the world from black mysterious MiGs from unidentified countries. They’re buggin out. If you missed out on the box, you can still purchase this shirt by clicking here.
When Creasy goes to Key West, he changes into something a little more appropriate. He’s still here for business, and obviously troubled beyond repair, but his choice of attire is all “If I drink a little too much, I think I’d be down to get with an overweight Jimmy Buffet fan that’s in her 50’s”. He’s an “anything goes” kind of party bear. If you missed out, you can still buy it by clicking here.
When it’s not on your tree, ditch that high school tassel you’ve got hanging from the rear view of that ‘91 Lebaron and swap it out with this. Odin will be pleased with your viking tree this Christmas. May also get you laid. Click here to buy on the site.
This bumper sticker is a sleeper. Not too many people know about this brand yet, but it may prove to make some serious moves in the future with its fly fishing-esque theme. The owner of Fly-Ops is one of the best anglers around...the guy catches Permits at will. We’ve seen him do it with his rod tied behind his back. The horizon is bright and rad for this up-and-coming little company, based in our little town of Sun Valley, Idaho. Give @flyops a little follow on Instagram and keep an eye out for their upcoming lineup...its gonna be “electric”. www.fly-ops.com
“You used up all the glue on purpose!” Not a finger! From one of the most cherished Christmas movies of all time. Even though we own the DVD, the best part of Christmas is still the fact that TBS...the SUPERSTATION...plays A Christmas Story for 24 hours straight. In our opinion...that’s a little light. It should be 48 hours, but oh well. Maybe we’ll write a letter. This patch is exclusive to the Little Box of Violence!
Luckily for your tastebuds we don't roast this coffee in-house. We reached out to our local gourmet roaster here in Sun Valley and asked him for the blackest mother fucker he had. Here it is. Each batch is freshly roasted for quality. If you haven't already tried-some of this delicousness, now's your chance. It'll fuck you up. Can be acquired HERE.
Why the hell not? Not available on our website.
The best part of this was that the first six printers we sent this design to refused to print it, because it allegedly was making false claims. "Prove it" we said.
Featured the Joker Patch by AONO, the ISAFF Patch by Combat Flip Flops, a Santa Operator Christmas Card by Joshua Johnson, a Talk To Me Goose sticker, and a few other things we aren't legally allowed to mention.
