by Yanne Root |
April 21, 2016
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It's almost summer and we're starting to feel the heat over here at Violent Little...just a bunch of sweaty old sailors doing what we do. Don't panic just yet, we're still in the game. We're offering April signups until April 30th...so get hungry you unruly bastards and feast on this months bountiful harvest. We have trucker hats, irrational alcoholic Creasy Bear stickers, Liberal Tears that smell like bacon, and an exotic, exclusive drop from S&S Precision...they don't call it The Little Box of Bullshit for no reason. Why you no subscribe? May boxes will be shipping around the 10th of May. Sign up now...May box is filled with some other fantastic suppliers.
Stormtrooper Pocket Shiv by S&S Precision:
If you don’t know S&S Precision by now, its pretty safe to say you probably were never too deep into “the game”. What game is that...shooting people in the face? Nope, we’re talking about Craps...rollin them dice. S&S Precision helped Violent Little out in its infancy...before we were even Violent Little. No idea how/why/when S&S took a liking to us, but now we get to do all sorts of cool shit with them, including this EXCLUSIVE Stormtrooper Edition Pocket Shiv and make-believe surf trips. Click here for the .com action or follow on the Instagram @ssprecision.
Package Stealers Patch by Velocity Patches:
Oh my fuck, what is the deal with the USPS? As soon as we saw this patch we knew the Violent Little “little boxers” (that’s what we call the subscribers) had to have it. Velocity Patches successfully were able to stay out of our tentacles for a little while, but those days are over...and now its like full on tentacle porn. Consider this their “coming out” party. They make custom patches too. Click here to check out their website or follow on Instagram @velocitypatches.
You Look Adopted Patch by Hoofarded From The Sky:
This company has been a joy to work with. Fun Fact: The proprietor of Hoofarded is a world-ranked pinball player...how fucked up is that? We got together with him over bloody marys at Shot Show 2016. He was nice enough to give us a sneak peek of the art...and we signed-on that very instant to put it in the April box. Gumption. Here you go. To get down and dirty with their site click here, or follow on the Instagram @hoofarded.
First Order GITD Patch by Tactical Outfitters:
The bearded frenemy explorers over at Tactical Outfitters gave us the EXCLUSIVE on this glow-in-the-dark variant of their First Order Star Wars patch. Gee Wally, that sure was swell of them. Subscribers of this box get it first...then we’re selling the scraps on our site. What’s the big idea? Follow on Instagram @tacticaloutfitters, or click here to get tactical.
Violent Little Honeydew Trucker:
Simply Violent Little, with an accent spot of “Honeydew” to compliment those eyes of yours. Golden, delicious, quality, 8-pound, 6-ounce, newborn infant Jesus hat, don't even know a word yet...check out our Instagram @violentlittle for all sorts of weird shit. Or just stay on this site and buy some shit...doesn't matter.
Just Fuck Off Coasters by Violent Little:
If you’ve got furniture nice enough to merit coasters, maybe these will come in handy, in addition to insulting your guests -that is, if you’ve got any guests. If not, feel free to use these at your next man tea party (not to be confused with a manatee party) with Mr. Bear and Pollyanna. Or just use as frisbees/safe ninja stars. Fuck off, Rick.
Liberal Tears Gun Lube by Tactical Shit:
Here’s a bacon-scented sample of some new shit out of Tactical Shit. Can probably be used as cologne or perfume...unisex style...although maybe not very healthy for you. Actually, just run it in your weapon. Shop Tactical Shit by clicking here, don't forget to give them a follow on Instagram @tacticalshit.
Mini-Sriracha2Go by Sriracha:
Following up on last month’s inclusion of their new Sriracha packets, we were able to get the fine folks at Sriracha to give us bulk pricing on these little portable beauties. Not only is their sauce the bauce, but this company didn’t bat an eye when we told them who we were with. Most of the time we have to “trick” companies into selling us stuff...especially if they’re from California. Thanks for being cool! See what else is up for grabs on their site by clicking here, they even have an Instagram @sriracha2go.
“Lines of Wasabi” by The Worst Chocolate Co.
Crunchy, sweet, savory...this wasabi flavored chocolate bar was crafted right here in Idaho by expert chocolatiers. Look for The Worst Chocolate Co. to make their commercial debut shortly...they’re just the worst. Sidebar...we’re probably involved in this, who knows. Click here to kill two birds with one stone, or voice your outrage on Instagram @worstchocolateco.
The Big Creasy Sticker by us, the Violent Little Degenerates:
Like we said...riding the Creasy coattails until its time to get off. Milking it for everything she’s got. This month’s Creasy is making his debut in 6” size...a good enough size to satisfy most. See what we did there...same old file, but a brand new size. Its called “lazy product development”. And because its bigger, we can charge more...a lot more!
by Brandon Scott |
April 05, 2016
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On the outside the March Little Box of Violence may be pecocking harder than Will I Am at a photo shoot, but on the inside this box is spicy...like packets of cock sauce spicy. As of March we are currently up to 600 box subscriptions in 4 months. The last time we saw numbers like this was at sick call in the marine barracks in P-Cola for the clap...good thing we already sent out Dr. Little's Field Condoms. This month we are bringing back some childhood throwbacks like punk rock sticker packs, Tarritos Lollipops, googly eyed lapel pins, emergency camping equipment, and a book with less than 200 pages...which makes it easier to read. Hope you enjoyed this month's box review. April sign up is going on right now.
The Bad Factory T by Bearont Apparel:
We’ve had this design in the can for far too long and its time to set’er free. The artist behind Bearont has such a unique, gritty, and legit as fuck style. We were thrilled when he accepted our d-bag of a proposal to design a badass dirty factory shirt for us. Buy it here or Click here to cruise Bearont's web site or jam up their Instagram @bearont.
Bonehead Patch by Big D Speed Shop:
No, we certainly don’t care how they do it in California. This cool little brand out of North Texas might be off the radar from most of the military/tactical world, but they totally jive with what we’re about here and we knew you’d enjoy their bullshit as much as you enjoy ours...plus they call California’s bullshit out. Just bullshits. Click here to get knee deep or on Instagram @big_d_speedshop.
Menace to Sobriety Patch by Explorer’s Press:
Immediately following up on their contribution to last month’s box with the ever popular “People to Kill” Notebook, Explorer’s Press is right back in this month’s box with their Menace to Sobriety patch. What a beauty. See what else Explorer's press has to offer on their web site here, or follow on Instagram @explorerspress.
Arrowhead Patch by Hudson Design & Manufacturing:
We’re proud to bring you this neat little patch from one our favorite “behind enemy lines” brands. Hailing from Troy, NY (ie, the Hudson River Valley area), they’re known for their painstaking craftsmanship of heritage quality goods. HDM puts out some of the best beard combs and cool accessories out there. Yeah, Bob! Stop by their web site here, or check them out on Instagram @hudsondesignandmfg.
The Way of Men by Jack Donovan:
Ok, we’re not going to lie...we haven’t read this book. We saw a “Violence is Golden” patch recently and we set off to connect with its creator to get our grubby mitts on some. At the end of the trail we found Jack...and that’s where it got interesting. Turns out he’s an astute student of masculinity and tribalism. One look at his experience, accolades, and activities and it was clear to us -this was a man with something interesting to say. We’re looking forward to reading this book alongside you all as soon as we get done with these fucking boxes. Grab some extra copies for your friends here, or look them up on Instagram @starttheworld.
Eyes of Buschemi Pin by Rolling Death Maui:
Those goddamn Buschemi eyes...they’ll tantalize your dreams and terrorize your nightmares -all at the same time. Rolling Death Maui seems to have a nact for that. This is the second straight month that they’ve been featured in the Little Box of Violence...good for them! Take a look at their NSFW web site here, or get weird with them on Instagram @rollingdeathmaui.
Sriracha Packet:
A single serving friend of Sriracha, just like Fight Club. We’ve been into Sriracha at the shop lately. Not just in the shop, but at home...the bedroom, the shower, etc...just like a little too into it perhaps. Those genius Asians at Huy Fong Foods recently decided to put that amazing blazing cock sauce into single packets of goodness. Careful though, might explode an O-Ring.
Tarritos Lollipop:
These beer shaped, random-ass fruit flavored Mexican lollipops were a regular currency of the black market of my Canadian boarding school. One touch to the lips and it brings back the good ole’ days when kids got the hazing they deserved. Let’s just say I deserved it...and I’m better for it. Si Señor!
Readyman Pocket Stove:
"Toight like a Toiger"...that's what comes to mind. The real NEW product we were going to launch by Readyman this month wasn't able to meet the deadline for the box, so the pocket stove stepped in nicely as a replacement. All the other tac/prep/floral boxes in this space have done the Readyman stove...yes...but we'll be the only ones to have the new mystery Readyman product when its ready...so stick with us/deal with it. Check out their creative genius here, or on Instagram @Readymannetwork.
Thirty Seconds Out Sticker Pack:
We hadn’t even seen the sticker packs that Thirty Second Out created by the time this card went to print...but the guy, as in everything else in his life, is always just good to fucking go. It was a risk, but he’s never let anybody down before -we doubt he was going to start now. Take a look at their web site here, or follow on Instagram @thirtysecondsout, you wont be let down.
Pro Tip: Check out our buddies at blkmkt.org or their Instagram @blkmktorg. Its fast becoming the best place to buy tactical and military shit. Its basically the Ebay for tactical gear, but more better...they won't kick you out for being awesome.
by Yanne Root |
March 19, 2016
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This week's customer email of the week comes from Matthew H. Matt wins our brand new Abe Froman Sausage King Ferris Bueller patch. This week's story is a pleasant little funny military story that we can all appreciate. If you want to write to us -insults, threats, extortions...send your emails to info@violentlittle.com. We pick the best one for a prize every week.
We've heard from Matthew every month or so...mainly because we're enamored that he has a Wolfdog named Fenrir who is a master escape artist, as most wolf dogs usually are.
Matthew writes in:
"Yanne and the other jackasses I love in Idaho....,
Got something to run up the flagpole here. Promise I'm sober even though it's 1219 hours on Saturday here. You guys have really become a favorite place for me to blow my money on shit I don't need. The top favorite vice I have otherwise is cigars. I am desperately hoping that you guys blaze up a fat one from time to time with the scotch, but that's another vicarious thought of what goes on at VLMS. Anyhoo, I've got a stupid patch idea I'd really like to see you guys execute in expected Violent Little fashion. First a story behind it-
Stay with me here... I have a little phrase I use when confronted by limp wristed DB hipster male humans that I would otherwise like to end when they confront me about my cigars. I have only used this highly effective retort a handful of times in life, but it works a helluva lot better than Brian Fantana's Sex Panther. Anyway, the best story of its use comes from Afghanistan, of course. I was incarcerated for a week at FOB Warrior on Bagram air base waiting to go to my final downrange destination. Warrior sucks dog balls bigger than life. Nasty tent city right along the runway so you can enjoy every Air Force pilot asshole that just HAS to fire up the afterburners on his Strike Eagle every godddam time they go down the runway. But I digress again. I am about halfway through that hell week of Nothing To Do But Wait keeping my sanity by smoking like it's good for me. I am blazing it up at a smoking table with an NCO from another unit bullshitting when this airman barges out of the "Air Force Only" tent with "Hey! That cigar smoke is blowing in the tent!" The little nugget changes his tone quick as I turn around slowly and he sees my rank. Next words from him are "Sorry sir, but that cigar smoke is blowing into our tent and bothering some people". I give him the 1000 meter stare and say "It's not a cigar, it's douchebag repellent" and continue to stare. He lowers his head and goes pouting back into the tent. I turn back to the NCO and say "See, it works." He proceeds to laugh until he chokes on his cigarette.
So, I would love to see some kind of stupid patch with "IT'S NOT A CIGAR, IT'S DOUCHEBAG REPELLENT" on it. Leather, PVC, who cares, but I know you could market the shit out of it to all the tacticool cigar aficionados.
Stay frosty my friends."
