by Yanne Root |
August 08, 2016
|
VLMS: Tell us a little about yourselves:
Reid: Well, I’m currently active duty military. Full time husband, full time father, full time student, and part time patch designer. I enjoy getting outdoors, grilling assorted meats, and travelling overseas. I enjoy a fine scotch, a mellow cigar, and revenge on my enemies.
Jon: I'm a graphic designer by day, and a husband/father 24/7. I don't always get to flex my creative muscles at work that much, so patch design is one of the ways I get that fix. I enjoy a good stout, weird roadside attractions and getting lost in the woods.
VLMS: What kinds of fucked up shit are you guys into?
Reid: I collect dirty Band-Aids that have fallen off of strangers from any public pools I visit. I have 12,465. Each of them have names and I categorize them by blood type, geographic origin, and flavor. The best flavor you ask? Maurice.
Jon: I'm a simple guy. I like a good round of disc golf while enjoying a hoppy adult beverage. The sound of those discs hitting the chains, echoing in the woods, is like music to my ears. It's really freeing since I play completely naked, which is doubly interesting, because I'm also a hugger.
VLMS: What do you do in the military? How long have you been in?
Reid: I started my military career turning wrenches on engines for the mighty KC-135. You can't kick ass without tanker gas, am I right?? However, after becoming sufficiently jaded fixing the same crap and cleaning out desert sand from the cowling, I decided it'd be much easier to break the jets than fix them. I ended up heading to pilot training, mostly to wear pajamas and be worshiped by the "normies". Unfortunately, what no one told me about flying planes is that they expect you to also LAND the planes. Which is BS. Apparently, I'm not so good at that part. So, after being forcibly and permanently grounded with extreme prejudice and a near lawsuit, the powers that be saw fit to transition me from fighter pilot to fiber pilot. I'm now in a Joint mission with [REDACTED] where I [REDACTED] in a building with no windows.
Jon: I thought about joining up, but I've got the whole Steve-Rogers-pre-super-soldier-serum thing going on right now, and unfortunately the Army tells me there's no super-soldier-serum. I call them every other day just in case. Since my dreams are thoroughly crushed, I opted for the civvy life and got a liberal arts degree in design. So now, I'm lucky if I'll be able to pay back the loans I had to take out for my TI-83 calculator in college (pro tip, turns out you don't even need a TI-83 for a liberal arts degree, it’s basically just talking about your feelings for 4 years).
VLMS: Do you think you've missed the boat on this whole patch thing...I mean, a little late to the party, right? Its kind of like being into coke and just skipping the 80's...
Reid: If there is one thing I've learned from consistently showing up late to staff meetings and All Calls, it’s that if you're late, you usually miss a whole bunch of the BS, and you look super important interrupting all the people who actually deserved to be there and you get stared at the whole time as you make your way loudly to your seat.
Jon: "Did someone say ice cold refreshing Coca-Cola?" See? That's that liberal arts degree at work. Now you want a coke right? Right!? I’m a genius at marketing! Or any other liberal arts… they’re all the same really. Someone pay me! I'm so hungry….
VLMS: Where have you been overseas...any good "port call" stories you can share?
Reid: I'm Air Force, so I'm not sure what this "port" is you speak of. Do you want me to regale you with stories of maxing out my Hilton rewards points, and getting upgraded to the Executive Suite? I don't have any good lady-boy or donkey-show stories like a damn Sailor or Marine. I mean, one time the maid forgot to put a chocolate on my pillow and I throat punched her. Does that count? I once vomited in a flower pot in Ho Chi Minh city, and took a well-angled picture of Mao saluting a Walmart in Beijing because 'Merica.
Jon: Well if Reid’s not going to talk about it, there was this one time in Thailand where we found this bar. And for $3 American you could… hold on.. Reid’s giving me the secret "shut up or I’ll kill you" hand signal... Stand by.
VLMS: Doing business with us can be a liability...I mean, if you ever run for president this is going to come back to bite you in the ass. You think this is the right call?
Reid: So, this shit-show of a 2016 election has taught me you can pretty much be the world's largest douche and be nominated by either party, so I'm not overly worried. Considering a veteran hasn't ran for President since GW, and Mattis isn't taking the hint, by the time I throw my hat in the ring, assuming we still have a democracy, I'll be a breath of fresh air. "Oh look, this guy had principles for at least a little bit and he looked out for someone other than himself, well hot damn, it’s about time". My campaign slogan will be "Sorry I'm late".
Jon: I plan on being the Billy Carter to Reid's Jimmy Carter. A comical background figure, shamelessly promoting a beer named after me while leaving a trail of international scandal. What a scamp!
VLMS: Will you give us a glimpse into any future projects?
Reid: Well, I know Jon is working on something LotR related so we’ll get back to our roots a little with that one. I’m working on a project that will represent all the branches of service, and another that I hope really gets at the heart of the patch community. I’m planning on a series of patches that can only be purchased in “grab bag” format. There will be a series of 6, but it’ll be a random selection of two when you purchase it. In order to collect all 6, you’ll have to trade with other collectors. I’m hoping to inspire a resurgence of trading, because who doesn’t remember how much fun that was when you were a kid? I remember carrying all my duplicate X-men cards around trying to find someone who had the cards I needed to fill out my collection. I hope it’ll be fun for everyone.
Jon: While Reid is working on a couple of really cool projects for the military crowd, I've got a couple of LotR patches that will continue to represent our namesake. While or first LotR patch was a fun trip through the shire, the next one comes from a darker side of Middle Earth. That's all I've got to say about that for now.
Join us in welcoming Reid, Jon, and the Southfarthing Patch Co. to the game of bullshit we call "patches". Well done, boys!
by Meep (Robot) |
June 27, 2016
|
Our June Little Box of Violence will make you feel like you're digging in Mary Poppins' Little Purse of Everything you could possible imagine. You'll find pencils, morale patches, shirts, Valhalla tats, glory holes, pins, and soap so strong you'll smell the box before it even hits your doorstep. As always, we ship the June box until the end of the month. Special thanks to our friends,
@knopp_art for our box design, and
@jjohnsonart for our propaganda leaflets. Thanks for stopping by, if blogs were easy to look at everyone would be using them.
-Brandon
YOU LOSE MORALE PATCH
You Lose. The fuck does that mean? “You lose” what? Like when Gollum lost to Bilbo in the game of riddles in the dark cave? Ok...that works. Let’s move on. Check out what else bigdspeedshop.com has to offer or follow on Instagram @big_d_speedshop. $8
QUICKSET PIVOT AND TAKEDOWN PIN KIT BY NEXTGEN AR
Speed your take-down time with these brightly colored beauties -detent springs be damned. Manufactured in the United States with the best quality materials and craftsmanship. The revolutionary design allows you to quickly install and uninstall the pivot pin from the lower receiver with one set screw...and it looks fucking gold. Follow @nextgenar or cruise by their site at nextgenar.com. $40
BOBA FETT CHANGE MORALE PATCH BY TGS
Boba Fett may be running his campaign from the Sarlacc Pit but that doesn't mean he’s behind the times. He’s getting on-board with what it takes to become President and doesn't have a problem promising hope and/or change, if only he had the bankroll to give out free cell phones...now that's how you become President. Take a look at TGS' complicated web address by clicking here and/or give them a follow on Instagram @tgs_arms. $10
WEEKEND AT BERNIE'S PIN BY ROLLING DEATH
Weekend at Bernie’s is due for a re-write by Eli Roth. A couple topical adjustments in the script and the tone and it becomes three days in the gates of hell at Bernie’s beach house of horror. Don’t go to sleep. Peep on some of Rolling Death's new Pin work at rollingdeathmaui.com or if it's after working hours check out their Instagram @rollingdeathmaui. $12
LITTLE SHOW OF VIOLENCE BY VIOLENT LITTLE
One of our best/worst shirts yet, The Little Show of Violence gives you a real feel for how things are really done around here. There’s usually one guy on the podium running the show who was in the Navy just long enough to get the salute incorrect...an army of drones marching in circles surrounded by outdated, yet freshly painted weaponry that seldom sees action. Ready for war. Designed by the Kelly Knopp. Available for individual sale NOW by CLICKING HERE.
SMELLS LIKE VICTORY SOAP BY DUKE CANNON
We saw this brick of soap curb-stomp a gang of Irish Spring value-packs outside a bar in Austin one time after South by Southwest. Then we went home and made pancakes. They’re fucking crazy, bro. Need more of the never-shrinking soap bar? Look no further than dukecannon.com, or clean up your act on Instagram and follow @dukecannon. $8
HERE FOR THE VIOLENCE BLACKOUT PATCH BY TACTICAL OUTFITTERS
What's the secret to winning every battle? The element of surprise. Don’t let Charlie know you’re there to do business until you see the whites in his eyes. “GET DOWN, SHUT UP” -LT Dan. Leave your beliefs at the door. This sick patch by Tactical Outfitters is now available for individual purchase if you missed it in the box by CLICKING HERE. Follow @tacticaloutfitters on Instagram or visit them at their Hemet, CA soup kitchen location kick it old school at gettactical.net. $8
LOW POINT OF MY LIFE PENCILS BY VIOLENT LITTLE
If you’re using a pencil, chances are your life has hit a low point. I mean, you actually had a pencil sharpener handy? Ok...carry on. Come on over and get weird with us at violentlitte.com. $1
VALHALLA TATTOO BY VIOLENT LITTLE
Slap that favorite patch on your fore(head/skin) without having to worry about losing your job or woman. Who knows...maybe it will even look good enough for you to make it permanent. Said no one ever. If you're looking to get jammed up, get forced into our launch email and sign that ass up here. $1
by Meep (Robot) |
June 06, 2016
|
A huge shoutout this month to
Kelly Knopp for our MK1 MOD6 May LBoV artwork. It's like Coop Style Art, World War II, and Everyday Violence had a three way at a punk rock show headlining the Tali-Band. This Month's LBoV is chock full of Fuck Its. We have flags, drunk robot warrior T-Shirts, chain of command reporting forms, not-so-secret Navy SEAL energy drink syrup packets, and Morale Patches so fly they would make Sinatra look like a hobo. We even offered up a Violent Little Challenge that has been attempted by no one...it's not easy pedaling snake oil but someones got to do it.
ROBOT SPARTAN SHIRT BY WARRIOR CULTURE GEAR
Our new collab T-shirt from WCG is for the Warriors that know in order to work hard you must play harder. Sometimes you just find yourself all kitted up on the bird and still fairly intoxicated...can women in combat rolls really keep up? TBD. Click here to step up your warrior game or follow on Instagram @warriorculture.
STRIKEFORCE DRINK BY STRIKEFORCE ENERGY
In this day and age, sports drinks and supplements are getting pretty long in the tooth. Red Bull is putting men in space, Monster Energy might be giving people heart attacks (so says the FDA according to this article), and Strikeforce is going syrupless...no calories, no sugar, no stirring or shaking. It's like being hit with a flavor IED...real explosive. Click here for their website or follow on Instagram @matbock.
HEAVY DAYS “NODS EDITION” BY THIRTY SECONDS OUT
Just when you thought the days couldn't get any heavier, Thirty Seconds Out drops this bombshell. Guaranteed to white out your nods on a 70% lum night...who’s side are they on anyways?
Click here for their website or stay in the game with Instagram
@thirtysecondsout.
DRUG PROBLEM PEN BY VIOLENT LITTLE
If you like to play your cards close to the chest, this pen may not be for you. It simply states what everyone's been thinking all these years...he's got a real drug problem, and he's not afraid to show it. Follow us on Instagram @violentlittle, or click here for our site. “Once you get locked into a serious drug collection, the tendency is to push it as far as you can.” -Hunter S. Thompson
VALHALLA RAIL COVER BY CUSTOM GUN RAILS
When will we stop slapping the Valhalla brand on every one of our products? Most likely when we go out of business or start selling thumb tacks. Now you can have your favorite patch on your favorite “build”, blacked-out so you’re guaranteed Valhalla on your next AD or ND...take your pick.
Click here to scope out their web site or follow on the Instagram
@customgunrails.
“FUCK IT” MINI BANNER BY EXPLORER’S PRESS
Sometimes you just have to express how you feel, and sometimes you just have to hang a small silk screened felt pennant to set the mood strait. Whatever the deal, get it up on the wall already. Get down and dirty with Explores press on Instagram
@explorerspress or
click here for their web site action.
BUTT HURT REPORT FORM BY ITS TACTICAL
With everyone getting butt hurt these days over the simplest of issues, it's about time somebody came out with a proper COC reporting format. Have you recently been butt hurt? Get it down in writing and take it up the chain. Follow on Instagram
@itstactical or get busy on their web site by
clicking here.
TEMPLAR PATCH BY MODERN ARMS
War torn and weary, but never out of the the crusades. Modern Arms hits the mark with this Embroidered beauty. We worked exclusively with Modern Arms to get this patch in our LBoV. So get some blood in that limp dick and prepare for the inevitable.
Click here to visit their website or like their shit on Instagram
@modernarms.
YOUNG GUNS ODDS PATCH BY NEVER OUT TACTICAL
Horse Rustlers, Cowboys, Gamblers, and habitual Peyote takers would best describe this group of Young Guns. We don't think you could find a set of odds “The Kidd” didn’t like...“Regulators gonna Regulate”.
Click here to creep their website or just do Instagram things
@never_out_tactical.
RESTING BITCH FACE PATCH BY VIOLENT LITTLE & HOOFARDED
Do you know someone with RBS? It could be affecting someone you love or loath. RBS is a real condition according to scientists. Known to affect many people and some A-list celebrities such as Kristen Stewart, Anna Kendrick, and everyone’s favorite crowd-pleaser, Kanye West. Look out 2016, contempt is on the rise with this silky little donation of a collab.
Click Here for shop Hoofarded's other wares and follow their ridiculously stupid Instagram page
@hoofarded.
Reid: I started my military career turning wrenches on engines for the mighty KC-135. You can't kick ass without tanker gas, am I right?? However, after becoming sufficiently jaded fixing the same crap and cleaning out desert sand from the cowling, I decided it'd be much easier to break the jets than fix them. I ended up heading to pilot training, mostly to wear pajamas and be worshiped by the "normies". Unfortunately, what no one told me about flying planes is that they expect you to also LAND the planes. Which is BS. Apparently, I'm not so good at that part. So, after being forcibly and permanently grounded with extreme prejudice and a near lawsuit, the powers that be saw fit to transition me from fighter pilot to fiber pilot. I'm now in a Joint mission with [REDACTED] where I [REDACTED] in a building with no windows.
