by Steven Bartholomew |
September 14, 2022
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Man,
The James Webb Space Telescope is really something. After 15 years of hard work, countless stepbacks, and rigorous dedication, our boys over at NASA finally put this baby into orbit. Was it all worth it? In the eyes of Exploration, most definitely. In the eyes of taxpayers, to be determined...
It really grabbed me when I read on Wikipedia that this telescope could "See the past." I was thinking we really got something here. But to my disappointment, another article written by actual scientists cleared that confusion up. The concept behind the project reminds me a little of myself trying to fix a car engine problem in the dark. Before, I couldn't even see what I was looking at. But then I grabbed a flashlight, so now I could kinda see what I'm looking at, but still have no idea what I'm looking at.
Happy Star-Gazing,
Steven
by Steven Bartholomew |
September 12, 2022
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What's up, Baiters
We've seen the future. Well, we've seen Idiocracy, which takes place in the future, 2505 to be exact. They live in a world where Baitin' is the norm and even provide you with all the "feet cutting meat" videos you can imagine right to your TV via The Masturbation Network (Keeping America baitin' for 300 years). Although the lack of intelligence is terrifying, the luxury of telling someone "Go away, Baitin'" with zero judgment is a future I want to live in. Together, let's keep progressing in the right direction.
Keep the rhythm below the belt,
Steven
by Steven Bartholomew |
September 07, 2022
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BREAKING NEWS: NOBODY OWES YOU SHIT!
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but someone had to say it. We've created a society that thrives on entitlement and a desperate need for recognition, and it's getting us absolutely nowhere. A couple of months ago, I was forced to watch a live-stream video of my little cousin graduating from school. "Man, what a gigantic douche this guy must be." You didn't let me finish, he was graduating from the 8th grade... They had a cap and gown ceremony and everything. The only thing I got when I finished 8th grade was a stern reminder that "My half-assed, cliff-noted book reports weren't going to fly with my high school teachers." It's funny because they did, and I got the same speeches about the college professors I would have. The jokes on them, I didn't go to college. (Edit from Yanne: * Joke's)
The military has Equal Opportunity Officers that ensure everyone gets a fair chance in their respective work centers. That's the busiest office on an Aircraft Carrier. Well, right up there with the Legal office. Apparently, it's a round-the-clock job making sure people in the Navy aren't getting their feelings hurt. It's the busiest time of year right after Rank Promotion Ceremonies, go figure.
So, buck up, people. Life isn't fair, and it damn sure doesn't care about your feelings. The sooner we can all come to terms with this, the better off we will all be. If not, I want all the participation trophies I'm entitled to for carrying my little league teams through the playoffs every year.
Happy Labor Day,
Steven (P.S. This shit is made from metallic gold, so we have that going for us.)
