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Arrested Development: The Cornballer & Mr. Banana Grabber Morale Patches

by Steven Bartholomew | October 10, 2022 | 0 Comments

If I could just stick my pretty little nose in here,

Long story long, Yanne said he knew a guy who knew a guy that could get his hands on some old Cornballer inventory and deliver the goods to us, cash in hand. What are we going to do with 1,500 mint cornballers still in the box, sell them online of course. You guys can come visit us in the hospital...Room 4b, Hospital Angeles Tijuana...just across the border in TJ.

Everybody's laughing and corn-holing without you...LOOK! A Seagull! (As I grab your banana). I can't believe GOB gave away the animation rights to his Mr. Banana Grabber character. A very bad business decision. Good thing there’s always money in the banana stand...which is honestly what it feels like to have Violent Little. Ten cents gets you nuts. I've (Yanne writing this) even got a bunch of siblings like GOB and Lindsey and Buster...and my Mom is like Lucille. I'm obviously Michael since I'm the "reasonable" one.

Be safe out there,
Steven (...with minor editing by Yanne for on-point references)

Toot Toot Poop

by Steven Bartholomew | October 06, 2022 | 0 Comments

In the good old days, armies used trumpets to alarm the ranks that shit was about to go down. How ironic that our bodies also make trumpet noises when shit is about to go down. I wonder if there was any correlation between the two? I will take the lead on this one and say, yes. I believe it was an evolutionary-like response in the human brain to know "Toots" (in any form) meant to be on high alert. Today, we still use the same methodology to teach young children when it's time to go poop. Except now it's in the form of a Katy Perry and Jimmy Kimmel singing to little kids about the digestion process. (I warn you, it's highly disturbing. Jimmy Kimmel, Katy Perry - Yum Yum Nom Nom Toot Toot Poop - YouTube )


For our ladies, who have no idea what I'm talking about. If you're ever out in public and you hear a slight trumpet sound, get outta there stat. I just assume you guys didn't know because girls don't poop, right?

This patch is also available as a Sticker!

Stay Golden (Like this patch, which is made from metallic gold),

Steven

Who doesn't have a Pee Bottle?

by Steven Bartholomew | September 28, 2022 | 0 Comments

 Whenever I go on a road trip, whether solo or with fellow travelers, I'll always keep a "Pee Bottle" on standby. There's just no way to tell what could go wrong out on the open road, and I'm too resourceful to be caught on the side of the road with my dick in my hand, literally. There's no way you can take a piss on the side of the highway and not look like trash. And since we're all about our image in the public eye here at Violent Little, we do the responsible thing and piss in a plastic bottle while the going is smooth. Then once you arrive at the pre-planned pitstop, you can drain the rest of your contents in the facilities and dispose of the bottle. Although, I'll usually just dump my bottle out and re-use it for the next stretch of exploration.

This patch is also available as a Sticker! 

Recycle,

Steven

 

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