by Steven Bartholomew |
November 15, 2022
|
Franks Reynolds' IQ must be off the charts. You send 99% of people on a booze run and you guessed it, they come back with just booze. But Frank has the awareness not only to secure the booze, but provide a protein-packed source of sustenance to go along. We all know how dangerous day drinking in the hot sun can be, and not giving your body the fuel it needs to endure a night full of House Music and fist pumps, well that's just idiotic.
I wonder what the soak time is for that recipe? Just trying to get an idea before my next vacation to the Jersey Shore. I plan on pairing it with a nice Rum Cake, as long as I don't get to shit-ripped off the ham.
by Steven Bartholomew |
November 14, 2022
|
Buenos Tardes, Muchachos
I'm not quite sure how many of our readers are hanging out in Sinaloa right now but, hey, can't blame a guy for trying to expand his network. Besides hitting I4 during rush hour, I don't have too much trafficking experience. But I do have a funny little story you guys might enjoy.
By the way, this is off the record...
A few years back, I found myself spending a little time in a lovely little city called Tijuana. During my stay, I experienced firsthand the agony of sitting in hours of traffic and vehicle inspections to cross the border back into America. (as I said, this was a few years back). I was also informed of the cartel's presence in Tijuana and just some of the ways they give back to the community. Even going as far as going around town, and placing FREE tracking devices on cars with a complimentary brick of something I'm sure will wake you up in the morning. Like most of our readers, besides my annual viewing of Scarface, I don't have much experience/knowledge of drug trafficking. So you can understand my surprise when I woke up one morning to my neighbor finding a brick of cocaine under her car with one of those fancy tracking devices to match. But not as surprised as she was when the police informed her that she was just one of the hundreds of innocent people unknowingly trafficking Boogar Sugar into the states on their daily commute to work every day to be picked up by the fellas on the other side.
Personally, my Tijuana stay was a little less orchestrated, a lot more intoxicating, and probably involved one too many crazy ex-girlfriends.
But if you find yourself in this situation, I might be able to give you some advice, which would be you only got two options...
1) Shut the Fuck up
or
2) Ay, llame a la Policia, Cabron
-Steven (the new guy, get used to hearing from me and my bullshit)
by Yanne Root |
November 11, 2022
|
Welcome to the Violent Little (bird) Clownshow...the greatest clown show on Earth next to this White House administration at the moment.
Don't overthink it. It's a little bird (MH-6) with a bunch of clowns with guns stuffed into it on their way to the convenience store to get some Snickers Ice Cream bars. Just let everybody out on the corner of the roof. But then how do we get into the store? Ladder down? Ok, let's do it. Who brought the ultra-lightweight MATBOCK Ladder? Or let's just cut an insert hole in the roof like firefighters.
I've actually never been in a Little Bird. They cost about $2M, which is a lot to "invest" to just fly around pretending like you're offering yourself some utility by being able to look at cows or wolves in Idaho, or to complain about your neighbor's ranch and how they're moving the river, so it no longer runs through your spot. If the Hennessys think they're going to just come in with their subpar cattle and take all our water out of The Big Muddy this summer and leave, they got another thing coming. I've convinced myself -a little bird WOULD actually be great for hunting Hennessys.
Ultimately this patch is about Violent Little. We're clowns in our own way, but we're also very good at this, demonstrated by the almost 120,000 orders now, the thousands of individual designs we've created over the years, and about to celebrate our 9th year in "business".
And while it looks like we've got our dicks hanging out of our pants most of the time, the infrastructure that's in place, like Shopify, and Shipstation, and Klaviyo, and Privvy, does the work of 10-20 "squared-away" people, which allows us to run with a small team of creatives that focus mainly on making ridiculous products...that's it...nothing more to it. Violent Little is a small, fast, valuable piece of equipment filled with dangerous clowns to make you laugh and entertain you with nonsense.
If you're in the market for a Little Bird, here's the number: 480.346.6300. Tell them Violent Little sent you. They'll probably act all confused and aloof, like they've got no idea what you're talking about, but that's how they play their sales game...don't let them. You're the Captain here.
-Yanne
