by Steven Bartholomew |
December 15, 2022
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Howdy,
The more and more I've looked at this patch, the more and more I've been assessing the people around me in my life to determine if I am, and I quote, "surrounded by idiots."
I'm definitely not surrounded by idiots at work. Actually, I'm not surrounded by anybody at all. I work by myself here, which has it's perks. I'm always the smartest person in the room.
It's not my family, either; I know that because I'm politely forced to go play trivia with them every week, and if we don't get at least in the top 3 then it was all for nothing.
That takes me to Jiu-Jitsu, where my main training partners consist of an orthopedic surgeon, an anesthesiologist, an aerospace engineer employed by NASA, and a trauma unit nurse. So, that ain't it. After careful deliberation, I've come to the conclusion that I may be "the idiot." It's okay, though, I make up for it with my can-do attitude toward life.
Speaking of idiots, you guys see the article talking about the Air Force "unveiling" the B-21 Raider, "the most advanced military aircraft ever built." That's bullshit! Violent Little unveiled the B-21 Raider months ago! The only reason we didn't tell Fox News was that we were trying to be stealthy about it.
-Steven
by Steven Bartholomew |
December 08, 2022
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I don't necessarily have "combat experience", I was in the Navy stationed on an Aircraft Carrier. Yes, I had my fair share of time down range, but never saw any sort of boots-on-ground type action. I can imagine even the IT guys that are part of these deployments probably do see their fair share of wild shit. But like I said before, I was in the Navy, so I can only speak intelligently about what I've been through firsthand. (With slight exaggeration from time to time just for my own ego.)
Let me be the first to say, if any navy IT guy comes back from deployment and tries to tell you it was rough, he deserves a swift kick in the ass. These guys are living in pure luxury. You'll never catch one of these guys in a bad mood unless their turn got skipped on Super Smash Bros. Like even their chain of command is so 'laxed because they ain't doing shit either. True story, one time I had to go down to their office during deployment to get something fixed with my internet access, and these guys had the NBA Finals on eating popcorn with all of the lights off. Then had the audacity to try to tell me that I had to come back tomorrow because "The system was down." You can't argue with these guys either, because one click and you ain't ever emailing your folks again...
The moral of the story: Choose your rate, choose your fate.
Steven
by Steven Bartholomew |
December 05, 2022
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The inspiration behind this patch is one of the greatest things I've ever witnessed in my time in uniform. So, story time...
The day before we pulled back into port from my first deployment, we had an award ceremony for all of the personnel in Air Department. Everyone was required to be there, in ranks, and looking as presentable as possible after spending seven months at sea. The Air Boss and Commanding Officer took the stage and began presenting awards to sailors one by one, shaking their hands and grabbing a quick pic for the gram. After they were done with the awards, the Air Boss wanted to acknowledge and thank the sailors who were either separating or transferring once we got back home. One of the guys he called up, took the stage, shook the hands of all the top brass, walked over to the mic, and yelled "E-3 till I'm free!!"
I'm not exaggerating, it was more hyped than when Jordan Belfort screamed "I'm not fuckin' leaving!" in The Wolf of Wall Street. People were losing their minds, myself included. All of the chiefs were frantically trying to get us to shut the fuck up and stand at attention. But, I swear all the pilots in attendance were trying as hard as they could to hold it together. It was like the shining beacon of hope we all desperately needed at the time.
Yo, Fish, if you're reading this, you're my goddamn hero.
Steven
