by Steven Bartholomew |
January 12, 2023
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Here's a patch for your buddy's gun bag,
I haven't shot a firearm in over 6 years. The last time was in navy Boot Camp, where you shoot a pistol (I don't even remember what kind.) 6 times and a 12 gauge once. It wasn't really the combat training I had in mind, but then again, I joined the Navy so what was I to expect? It's funny, I'm not sure how true this is, but I guess they had to shut the Navy Boot Camp firing range down because it was indoors and after years of recruits in there firing off rounds the walls were coated with gunpowder and became a serious fire threat. This intel was relayed to us by an E-1 who just go to the fleet, so don't quote me on it. But if it is true, it's probably a good idea they closed it down. I remember when I was in line to shoot the 12 gauge at a paper target from 15ft away, the recruit before me somehow shot the ceiling like 4ft before the target. It would have been a bad day if that did somehow start a fire, we hadn't even started our Damage Control training yet!
We're not operators over here, man, but we can sure tie some square knots like you wouldn't believe.
Love you all,
Steven
by Steven Bartholomew |
January 11, 2023
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Valued Subscribers,
I don't know why "Let's lick tits" isn't a more widely used phrase in our day-to-day lives. Not just because of how easily it rolls off the tongue, but also because it's got so many follow-up phrases that would make for some pretty sweet dialogue. If someone says that to you, you can come back at them with something like "Don't threaten me with a good time." or "Looks like there's gonna be double trouble." That's just me spitballing ideas off the top of my head and they're already better than what you could say after something like "Let's blow this popsicle stand." People are too busy trying to picture what a popsicle stand even is, or worse, questioning why someone would want to blow one. But who's not getting excited over the thought of licking some tits, even if it is just a figure of speech? That's something most of us here can relate to, or at least really really want to relate to.
Steven
by Steven Bartholomew |
January 10, 2023
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Shit! I know shits bad right now…
President Camacho understands “everyone's shits emotional right now”, but he’s got a 3-point plan to fix everything. Which is really just a one-point plan broken up into 3 separate statements all getting at the same thing. But who's going to correct the leader of the free world who's also handy with a machine gun? That’s what I thought! Also, I think if the President was to start arriving at important events on a motorcycle wearing an American flag vest (No shirt underneath of course.) people would have a lot more respect for his leadership.
The opening scene of this movie is the most relatable military representation I’ve ever seen. Just a guy trying to be a gray man doing the absolute least to get his benefits and bounce. That’s really the name of the game. His librarian position was a lot like my short but oh-so-sweet time as the Float Coat PO back in the day. (A float coat is the floatation device you see people on the flight deck wear while out to sea.) I was responsible for all of our float coat inventory and maintenance for about 3 months. Except for the 3 months I was in charge, we were pier side in the shipyards and nobody had any need to even look at a float coat during this time. My work days were strictly spent “sitting on my ass watching TV”. It was a good life.
Brought to you by Carl’s Junior,
Steven
