by Steven Bartholomew |
August 12, 2022
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What up Informers,
Steven here...new guy at Violent Little...just out of the US Navy...pleasantries, greetings, etc. with my take on being a government employee. It was alright, not great, but alright. I got to travel the world, make a little money, and I got tons of practice signing my name and SS# at the bottom of a thousand "Training Muster Sheets". But hey, the day you forget about cyber security is the day "the terrorists win" as our not-so-popular TPO would always say. Really, besides missing almost every holiday with my family, non-existent "work hours", and the occasional urinalysis pop-quiz, I enjoyed my tenure. Although my experience was more on the foreign relations side, I do hear good things about the domestic side of the operation.
It's got to be good, right? They have so many career options. Do you like guns? Be a cop. Do you like lifting weights and watching movies? Be a Firefighter! (I was a firefighter on the deck of the Eisenhower btw, so don't even think about leaning in on this one...). You like sitting in a chair and telling people they're missing a document? The DMV is right for you!
I tease of course, especially with that DMV comment, seriously. You know the expression don't fuck with the people who handle your food. Here's another one, don't fuck with the DMV.
-Steven
P.S. Julie from USPS, I didn't mean to leave you and all the other postal warriors out. But you know I appreciate y'all. Without USPS and their 99.99999% reliability, there is no Violent Little.
P.S.S. Yanne here with another dynamite drop-in to set you up for success. I essentially made the FBI patch solely for a friend at the FBI, because him and his crew were such fans of our "Utah Get Me Two" patch.
by Steven Bartholomew |
August 08, 2022
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What’s going on ya bunch of Undisciplined Cowboys,
Steven here, writing to anyone listening out there.
So you wanna know what I think? It don't really matter what I think...
I’ve actually cruised by Somalia a handful of times in my past life, you know before I got into the patch game. At least I thought that was Somalia. We didn’t always receive the most accurate navigational coordinates down in the mess decks. But I agree with Eversmann, maybe it would be a nice place to visit? You know if you’re a beach in the morning, firefights in the afternoon kind of guy.
But for real, I can relate to Grimes. It's fucking hot as shit over there and quite frankly, it didn't seem to matter how much water you drank, you're never not thirsty. Plus, it's not like he can just stroll into a 7-11 to get a Big Gulp to quench his thirst in Northern Africa. But if the last advice I ever got before heading out on my first boots-on-ground Op was “Ammo dude, take Ammo” then I’m probably just going to take Ammo. Then once I got some experience I would decide for myself what items would be on my combat necessities list. I like the beer idea, but not sure if that’s the best source of hydration when you're surrounded by hostile Somalians.
This scene really hits home for me, though. I, too, was once the naive new guy that didn't know shit. My first underway was a 5-day training evolution. I packed like I was setting out for a world tour. Literally, packed enough Cliff Bars to feed a small family for a month. It was one of many clown moments in my Navy days.
So If you’re the new guy, just ask somebody who looks like they know what the fuck they’re doing for some advice. Swallow your pride and save yourself from the Clown Show that's waiting for you if you don't.
Watch your corners out there.
Steven- signing off…for now.
by Steven Bartholomew |
August 03, 2022
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Howdy,
Congratulations, Texas. You made it on the list of our shitty highway sign patches. What do Texans, Crossfitters, and Vegans have in common? They never shy away from telling you all about it. I swear, I'd shake the hand of any man from Texas and give him a cigar that didn't feel the need to inform me that he was, in fact, from Texas. On the other hand, you did give us Matthew McConaughey and Woody Harrelson, so we’re cool.
I have only one experience with Texas. I was on a solo road trip from SoCal to Florida. (I was on my way to start this gig at Violent Little, actually) Well, when I was driving through Texas, for 18 demoralizing hours, I imagined I was The Bandit moving Coors from Texarkana, back East. I was in a 2008 Ford Explorer with no A/C, but in my head, I was cruising in a Pontiac Trans Am. Not really much of an experience at all, actually. Proudly, what I lack in experience, I make up for in bullshit.
I do think that shooting hogs out of a helicopter with AR's being a normal thing in Texas is pretty sick, though. I’ve never hunted a day in my life, never even had the desire, until I found out you can get aerial with it. I’m just saying, if an animal is wreaking havoc on native wildlife and agricultural land, then why not take care of it in an efficient manner? Yanne, do you still have that number to the guy with the Little Bird hookup?
Holler if you need me,
Steven
